Empathy and some thoughts on the Adopter Reference Group

So, up again I went to the Adopter Reference Group to look at and reflect on the issues that the Adoption and Special Guardianship Leadership Board consider and discuss some of the current issues that our community are negotiating at the moment. 

The discussion fell back into schools and again I find myself slightly out of step on that subject. For us to see the culture and practice shift that we want for our children in education we need to present an irresistible argument to education professionals, policy makers and politicians. With 26,000 schools in the UK and 55,000 adoptees under 18 years old in a pool of 11,000,000 children adoptees represent a very small cohort

Even in the group of children with SEN, 1,276,000 we are aren’t even at 5% and of course not every adopted child needs additional support in education.  The needs of adopted children may pull on the heartstrings of educationalists for all the cultural and emotive reasons we know but they don’t scratch the surface of the actual need in schools. The argument to change school culture and practice, to raise awareness in the workforce of trauma, loss and separation and to support the needs of vulnerable children becomes irresistible when adoptees are seen amongst the many more children that are living through and with the impacts of early adversity. 

1 in 5 children will experience domestic violence

1 in 20 children will experience sexual abuse

1 in 10 children will experience neglect

1 in 14 children will experience physical abuse

1 in 29 children will experience the death of a parent 

Foster care, kinship care, special guardians, private fostering etc.

Those are features in many adoptees narrative, however they are not exclusively theirs and in reality many more children experience high levels of challenge but adoption is not their story. 

I could go on………..

The case for empathy, compassion and a culture/policy/paradigm shift is clear when adoptees are seen in that community of children. Of course, within that community specific needs and nuances are represented with our children having some. However, the baseline shift that we’re looking for would change everything for those children and it’s likely for all children positively.

Here’s the rub, we need to form alliances and to do that do we need to shout a little less about adoption? Tricky, is it a word that opens doors and gets the ears of professionals? It is in my experience but do we need to help open the door for many that don’t have that luxury. 

So, that was what I was thinking and I did reflect a little of that as we chatted about education. I may have got a little passionate. Hey ho.

Then we went onto consider the work that is being looked at in relation to modernising permanency. It’s a broad subject matter and with several strands as support and contact are considered in relation to children’s identity as well as workforce development. 

I’ve lots of thoughts on that issue and it’s a fundamental issue for services at this time of RAA induced flux and remains a hot topic when broached with adopters and families. I’m going to keep my powder dry on that one. 

I apologise as this feels like a sketchy reflection of the discussion and more an essay on my thoughts on the topics raised. 

That said, continuity of NHS numbers were discussed, an issue that is significant for children with many children with complex health needs who need continuity of treatment and care. In a world of social media children being tracked down through this seems increasingly unlikely in my view. So that’s back on the table.  

The case for the continuation of the ASF beyond March 2020 is being pulled together, the Treasury will, rightly, want to see evidence of it’s benefit to children and families and that is being pursued. 

The issues of adopted children, quite obviously, remain central to the focus and efforts of adoptive parents and the dedicated staff of the DfE and the Adoption and Special Guardian Leadership Board continue to focus on those children. It remains a privilege to speak as a member of the adoption community and though the wheels of change move slow they do move but we need to keep oiling and pushing.

Adoption Roundtable: Expectations

Firstly, I’ve been up to the DfE quite a bit over the last three years and sat in a range of meetings for a range of reasons and I’ve learnt some things and observed lots. Expectation management is at the heart of what I've learnt. 

There are lots of things on the adoption community’s wish list, and hear me correctly, we do pretty well by comparison to other parents of equally challenged children.  Never the less, there are things that we’d like done and things we think need to be done. As a community we have broad consensus on big issues but we’d perhaps identify specific issues within them that are important to us as individuals. That all sits in a complex dynamic within central government where what is possible and practical is influenced by current legislation, Treasury requirements, realms of influence, responsibilities, legislative windows and timeframes. Not to mention political will and competing demands on time, money and energy. 

So, that all said to my mind managing our expectations as to what can be done is essential and creating consensus and effective, justifiable and solid arguments for what we want is paramount. 

Being invited is a weighty privilege and all adopters present were conscious that we’re representing 1000s of families with the complex struggles and challenges they face. Adoption UK were chairing the event and laid out the issues that were to be addressed. Of course, you could debate what went on the list and perhaps you will* but that was the list: Adoptee’s challenges in education, Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and the need for ongoing support and awareness were the key areas that were focused on. Generally, it was received well by Nadhim Zahawi, who was clearly aware of the issues and engaged in discussion. As a group we highlighted key points then fleshed them out with lived experience. I’m sure that the reality of the challenges carries a weight that a straightforward briefing would not and the minister certainly understood, empathised and engaged with our arguments for continuation and development of support etc. 

It’s easy to see all that as a little vague and no doubt it’s too vague for some but the reality is that there are rarely revolutionary changes in this world, we see evolution and development. That is unfortunately too slow for many of our children but it is what it is and disengagement does not seem like option. What will be the outcome to the meeting? I'm not sure, I’m not going to pretend that the minister slammed the desk declaring something’s got to be done then sending his minions off to implement radical change. Perhaps we'll see an influence on the longevity of the adoption support fund, on raised awareness and CPD among social care professionals of Childhood Challenging, Violent and Aggressive Behaviour and FAS.  We will have to wait and see. 

What did I say, not much really. I used my trump card I told my story in all its gory detail, no clever words or insight I’m afraid just a dad looking for a touch of professional empathy and a little help.

In the past these little updates have been accused of being a little unsatisfactory or vague. I accept that but pragmatically think that is better than nothing which is the alternative. 

Anyhoo, thanks for all the words of support and encouragement and keep up the good work.

*The list could be very long and many important issues remain low on the agenda. Incredibly frustrating and sometimes upsetting but we have to accept adoption is one form of permanence and an issue that impacts on approximately 55, 000 children in a national cohort of 11, 000 000 children. Do we stop pushing? no. However, we have to prioritise our issues.

DfE Adopter Reference Group

Today I was at the DfE today sharing the views and experiences of adopters at the Adopters Reference Group that feeds into the Adoption and Special Guardianship Leadership Board. I'll be honest I raised a few points at the meeting and the views here are mine, they may be shared by others but that's for them to declare.

Firstly. I was wanting to call this post '365 days to save the Adoption Support Fund', better sense prevailed.

Behind that kind of sensationalism is a serious question. In the autumn of next year the Treasury will do the sums and make a decision/recommendation in relation to it's value and sustainability in the financial context. They will then decide if it's going to continue beyond 2020.

Firstly, do we want the ASF to continue?

It's not a trick question,  the online narrative is often focused on the barriers or challenges that families face in relation to accessing the fund.  If you read only that then you may think that the ASF is a disaster. 90% of the issues I hear about are process problems and usually the responsibility of the Local Authorities, though it suits them to deflect that onto the ASF managers. Of course it's not perfect, what is, we need to be free to highlight areas for improvement. It's complicated

So, do we want the fund continue? The case has to be made that it presents value for money, that it's not paying for what is expected to be provided by the LAs as part of their core PAS service. The ASF has become part of our adoption landscape and has brought a lot of good to many, my view is that it's made us look up and seek out support, it's got social workers listening to our needs and seeking to support them, it's helped many. However, that 'many' are perhaps not the vocal ones, what can we do to present our case for continuation and justify its continuation, again if that's what we want. I realise writing this that for some they've been unable to access the Fund and that's not acceptable but their reality.
Lots to unpick there and I'm sure some will care less but I've a hunch that it is more welcome than not. Anyway, I'm just putting that out there.

We chatted about a few other issues including education and health and the challenges that parents and children face. If I'm being brutally honest, it felt a little like old ground, we see incremental improvements but culture and children's workforce knowledge are like the proverbial supertanker, they take a long time to re direct.

We briefly chatted about PAS workforce development, to me this is a tangible area that we can influence and though it's contentious I believe as users of the service we have a bona fide stake in the skill level of social care professionals (as we do any professional who wields power over us, ie I demand my doctor knows what they're doing and have continued there learning). The Governments documents on adoption reform mention it in passing but are  mainly focused on matching and quick approval. Anecdotally, it hasn't gone un noticed that the emerging RAA agendas are focused on systems, process and recruitment. Where is the support? Really, are they so focused on recruitment at the expense of support that that they'll throw more adoptive families into this challenge unequipped? Overstatement? Hmmmmmmm............

We need our social workers to be experts in support not generalists in social care, to understand therapeutic parenting, therapy pros and cons, trauma, loss, brains and living with traumatised children. More to the point, the reforms to policy and practice that we want to see will be implemented by those staff so we need to invest in them rather than systems that will not function without competent staff. Oh, I could go on. Social work seems to be in a flux about this but there are moves to add a little pressure to that pot.

Adoption policy appears to be in a time of transition and as we know transitions are hard with forces and pressures from many directions and this is overlaid by ongoing austerity with LAs struggling like never before. How will this pan out? I don't know, coming away I'm conscious that politicians come and go, focusses move this way and that, opinions and perspectives shift. This uncertainty will pass and maybe so will the ASF but an adopter I will remain.

Adopter Voice

Actually, before I start I thought I'd better warn you this post is not a set of minutes of the Adopter Voice meeting today at the Department for Education.  Reports and topics presented and considered hold specifics that will come out in the fullness of time when all the 't's have been crossed and the 'i's have been dotted.
If you want a blow by blow account stop now, go and make a cup of tea and read a good book or whatever tickles you.

Coming away and pondering the discussion I'm struck by the change in tone that has developed over the last couple of years in relation to adoption. Of course much had happened in that time with the coming and going of key figures in the adoption landscape as well as the changes in some of the structural elements of that adoption agencies are set into. Change is happening and like any time of transition there's uncertainty and tension. Not necessarily helpful if your local adoption support team is being shipped out to new offices and merging with another team from another county.

That's all well and good but sitting in your home with your children and 'experiencing' that system and trying to navigate those changes is a very different thing to talking about it and how to manage it. Nice conversations around tables don't necessarily translate to help and in fact may feel like a joke if you're at the sharp end of trauma informed parenting.

Talking today we touched on issues such as contact with birth families and the very real pressure on children and adults. With tangible benefits and the very real concerns, adoption cannot remain closed to the reality of contemporary life when small children can 'google' Tummy Mummy's name and have a world opened up to them before a life story book is even pulled from the top shelf.

Adopters are experts in what should have been said in preparation so we riffed on that for a while, the age old debate of how much truth it too much and at what point does that harsh truth become prohibitive to all but the brave few daring to adopt.

We talked about the ongoing relationships that adopters need with services, relationships with support    social workers and even the thought of annual reviews for support and families.
Talk is good and of course adopters.

As I said at the beginning not a lot of specifics in all that and it can appear to be exclusive to not share in the nuts and bolts of some of the discussion. To say nothing and not even note the meeting is perhaps worse.

That adopters are around the table at the big house cannot be underestimated. There was a time in the not too distant past when we were not welcome. The last few years has seen a change and that has to be good. Of course, we'd like more varied voices but for now we take what we've got, keep at it and prove the value of our voices.

Adoption, Child on Parent Violence, the DfE and a paradigm shift.

Yesterday was a big day, adopter interviews on national and regional media, news items culminating in a radio documentary all focusing primarily on the challenge that adoptive families are facing as they raise their children. The figures and stories were of no surprise to anybody who is remotely connected to this world but I'm sure for many it was a revelation. A change to the narrative.

I listened to the documentary and, of course, I was a little uncomfortable with some elements of it in relation to the Adoption Support Fund. I would argue with the validity of some perspectives but this is not the place for that.

My day had started yesterday speaking to 250 social workers, I asked 'who here works with or knows a child that is aggressive or violent to their parents or carers'.

Every hand went up, Helen Bonnick and I then opened up the issue to a receptive and empathic group group of social workers.

Five days earlier I'd spoken to England's Chief Social Worker. She knew and acknowledged it was an issue faced by many before I even opened my mouth. We considered paths and routes to develop further influence and as and when they open up I'll share that.

When I woke up this morning it all seemed like a dream.  I wondered if I'd witnessed a paradigm shift in people's views of adoption. That children who have experienced loss and trauma, though the most vulnerable in society can be the most challenging to parent and care for. That this was being understood and the 'Annie' narrative was not the only narrative in town.

I for one feel encouraged that the work of many individuals, small and large charities has brought us to this point. It's not a solution and we will never have to stop pushing but I believe that families are now starting to be believed and listened to.

Today I was up to the Department for Education today for the Adoption Support Expert Advisory Group. It seemed like very apt timing. Over an hour of the meeting was given to Child on Parent Violence. There was no doubt that this is now a 'thing', there never was doubt in that room but we acknowledged that the conversation had shifted over the last 12 months peaking with the excellent timing of the AUK/BBC survey yesterday.

So, where now? Training of the workforce, development of our knowledge of why, practice guidance,   appropriate responses and therapeutic interventions are all now on the agenda. Not one of them a small, simple or insignificant thing. Not least we considered the very definition, an ongoing and nuanced conversation.

Of course more was discussed and considered, including the ASF.

The landscape has shifted and continues to do so, new challenges, a developing understanding and at the centre children.

I'm off for a nap.

Adoption Support Dataset

On a really basic level what we measure we value, for example I know exactly how much cake there is in the house and I have no idea the quantity of lettuce we currently have. It reveals a lot about my priorities.

With that in my mind I was really happy to attend a working group today considering the data that the Adoption Leadership Board would like Local Authorities and Voluntary Adoption Agencies to gather for them. They already gather data in relation to the numbers of children waiting and the length of time that they take to travel through the system to adoption amongst lots of other stuff. We also have the data that the Adoption Support Fund has revealed about the availability of services. 

One of the key pillars of the Government’s policy on adoption is to improve the post adoption support that adopted children and adoptive families receive and gathering data in relation to who is accessing the service, how long for, how long that takes and the nature of the support they receive seems like an obvious thing to do. I'm not even going to mention the assessment of Adoption of Support Needs and all that we don't know about that. 

Of course the specific data that is collected can reveal more than just facts and figures it can lead to understanding of the challenges that children and families face and help those commissioning services to improve and develop them. I’d hope that it would also give indication to themes around who accesses service and in what circumstances. Not insignificantly it a clear statement to LAs that this is important and we are watching.

I’m confident that as we transition into Regional Adoption Agencies recording this data will become an accepted and welcome tool for improvement and if necessary to bring to account. Like all of this stuff, there are hoops and hurdles that need to be navigated and some proposals that may or may not make it to the final draft.

It's been a peculiar time nationally with changes and a shifting and uncertain political landscape and like many I've wondered how this will impact on on the political good will that adoption generally has. Today has encouraged me that there remains a willingness to focus on this and I hope that the benefits our children receive will spill into the lives of other children who live with kin or guardians. 

On a lighter note it was good to see #whathughsuptonow and he’s looking like a lean mean cycling machine.

Child on Parent Violence - DfE Expert Advisory Group

It was the quarterly Department for Education's Expert Advisory Group on Adoption Support. Today was the usual updates on this and that and a few larger issues addressed such as the working out of the role of the Virtual School Heads. We focused  to how the Adoption Support Fund was progressing, of course there are challenges but to date nearly 18,000 children had been helped and that the fair access limit remained above the average cost of the vast majority of applications. No help if you're over with match funding and a difficult issue for some but 80 families have been match funded, which is more than I'd envisaged. 

We had a discussion around the incoming legislation of the Virtual School Heads with NAVSH represented in the room they gave a good account of how they envisaged it playing on the ground. It is was a good discussion and there's room for encouragement and optimism. Of course there are uncertainties as we move into new responsibilities and grey areas but without doubt we are heading in the right direction, it would have been nice to have heard Gareth Marr's thoughts as we discussed the role. 

The final item on the agenda was Child on Parent Violence, I'd asked for it to be there. 

Notes of a fool

Drawing tougher all the findings from the Survey that I'd undertaken and the subsequent findings that Dr Wendy Thorley had made sense of in the first and second CPV reports that laid it all out. It's too much go through verbatim and a text version of a 45 minute presentation is too much to bear so here we go in eight words. 

Taboo (fear of response, isolation, criminalisation, ignorance, stigma, victim blaming)
Paradigms (different professionals view it very differently
Definitions (the trouble with them)
Causes (complicated)
Prevalence (lots, 30% ish)
Impacts (massive)
Responses (shocking)
Actions

It was well received, they're a polite bunch, but I do think the collective minds and organisations in the room took the message to heart.

Child on Parent Violence is a 'thing.*

This is a thing that we need to act on, a complicated, ugly, painful and prickly thing that needs to be grasped. As one member noted, not a can of worms but a bucket of worms.

Actions is the interesting bit, so what do we do next?

That's the question, what do we do with this 'thing', first we call it a thing and we start to raise awareness and we start to consider if this as big as we suspect and believe that we make it a part of Social Workers Continual Professional Development.
We consider how we prepare adopters to let them know it's a 'thing' and it's ok to say it's happening.
We liaise with safeguarding and tell them about this 'thing'.
We develop out knowledge of interventions and what works in a real world situation.
The DfE are going to talk to the Chief Social Worker about their views and knowledge.

Today felt like a start line not and maybe a consideration of what may be the first steps in removing the taboo and developing the culture that makes it ok to ask for help and ok to say you're not ok.

I apologise that this is all a bit vague, it's late and having thought hard about this for a long long time and lived to varying degrees with it and in it. I feel very sleepy all of a sudden.

On another note I'm thinking of getting the presentation, with other stuff,  out to a wider audience and there's even talk of putting on a free event for whoever's interested and recording it, podcasting and you tubing it. I'm pondering that thought so if that's of interest let me know.

All in all a good day.




*Speaking to a group of Social Workers last week  a senior practitioner said "We knew that this happened but we didn't realise it was a 'thing'."

Department for Education - Adopter Voice March 17

The machinery of government and social care moves at a glacial pace. But it does move, for adoptive families that can be infuriating. Changes that we hope to see come and benefit our children come too slow and sometimes the bottlenecks in our children's lives have gone and our concerns have moved on. I've had to embrace pragmatism.

So, we come together to share views on specific issues, as always education, Virtual School Heads, EHCP plans, Pupil Premium Plus are on the agenda. The machinery of adoption support is interlinked with other departments, this team and that team. Influence has to be brought to bear with some to varying degrees. Things are moving.

Child on Parent Violence was on the agenda, 'The best kept secret in adoption'.
Drawing on my CPV survey I shared some experiences and the results. This is not the place to rehearse the arguments, I've ranted enough elsewhere but in essence we discussed.

• Prevalence, up to 30% of adopters will experience it across their child's childhood.
• Clearly linked to disruptions and struggling families
• That more adopters experienced it in younger children than older
• Responses from Social Care were not always informed*
• Professional knowledge is limited across a range of professionals
• Knowledge of effective responses and interventions is slim

That's all standard stuff but there are individuals, professional and organisations with some knowledge and they should be accessed and there knowledge should be disseminated. It was a good discussion and I may have become animated, but hey what do you expect. On the plus side I've come away with some new ears to bend, names of people who can help, or should help. 

We squeezed in a brief discussion about the challenges of Fostering to Adopt, sorry I ate up the time on CPV.

As a footnote I asked it there was a option to place a statutory timeframe on the local authorities duty to carry out the  'Assessment of Adoption Support Needs'. Just a thought, anecdotally I hear such a range from weeks to years. Of course it can be a complicated assessment but with no timeframe attached many families find themselves languishing as they wait for it to be completed. Could this data be added to the adoption scorecard? should it be? A new fight to start, me and my big mouth. I'd much prefer that a statutory timescale was added but perhaps I'm reaching for the moon.

Anyway, we continue to push. Adopter Voice is a forum I'd encourage all who can participate in to do so.





*that's a nice way of saying it.

The Rise of the Adopters

I've had this feeling that's been brewing and festering that then turned into a title for a blog 'The Rise of the Adopters'. It's been a struggle to turn my feelings into words that make sense and accurately express how what's going on in my head. So, I've been reading, thinking, talking and pondering.

Adoption is not a human right, for adopters, it's a choice and a privilege. Adopters come to adoption for a myriad of reasons through different routes, often painful routes, with different expectations, hopes and dreams. These factors all impact on what we actually want and expect. I sometimes meet prospective adopters and I'm nervous for them as we talk and their expectations are shared with me. The views of adopters, and prospective adopters, are valuable and useful but should they be used to inform policy? Of course they should but the weight that they are given is where my thoughts linger. Adopters punch way above their weight in many regards, emotionally, culturally and politically. We rarely see anything other than agreement over adoption announcements in the press? The nation is outraged when we read the headlines:

'Too fat to adopt, too thin to adopt, too old, too whatever'

But as I said adoption is not a human right. However, for whatever reason the dynamic is that adopters are placed on a pedestal as saints and children are labeled lucky to have been adopted by them. Laws are massaged to suit adopters with approval times reduced and the requirement to consider the culture and ethnicity of children when matching removed. Pragmatic realism or pandering to popularist views, we could, and should, argue the toss. But the balance of power remains with adopters. Adopters have a voice. 

Children are given no, or very little choice in relation to their adoption. This is the history of adoption favours the adopter. Children are the victims of circumstance, policy and culture. My children had no choice.

Where are the voices of adopted children?

Though few and far between adult adoptees do have a voice but we rarely hear the voices of children. Article 12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child is clear that children have the right to say what they think should happen in decisions that affect them and to have their views taken into account. I'm not sure that's what it looks like on the ground.

Of course gathering anybody's views is hard let alone children especially those perhaps more vulnerable than their peers.  All parents know the challenge of weighing what we think is in the best interests of our children with what they want, a challenge that we as a family face on what seems like a weekly basis.

So, what am I saying?

I'm an advocate for adoption but I see that it's a system and model with flaws and for some children and adults it falls short of the ideal. I believe that for many the security, love and safety of adoption is the best option. I also believe that it can and should be better and that it could be different.

To be honest I'm thinking aloud. Adoptive parents fight like lions for their children on a daily basis and we promote the best interests to a myriad of friends, family and professionals. The DfE is investing in the views of adopters through the Adopter's Voice initiative to influence policy and practice. I would suggest that those who can use this opportunity to not only share our experiences but to share not only the experiences of our children but where possible the views and wishes of our children.

Lets be a voice for the voiceless. Let's shout louder.



I've not mentioned first families but as you can imagine I have thoughts. 
This blog was a lot longer but in the interests of sanity I cut it to nothing.