Farewell BAAF

The Adoption Social’s request of for thoughts on BAAF’s demise made me think on my own experience and reflections of the of the organisation. Having read the excellent blog by Amanda Boorman I felt compelled to put fingers to keyboard. It’s my views and perspectives on one part of the story and one role of BAAF. If you object then comment, tell me I’m wrong. I reserve the right to change my opinion in light of a better one, the facts or a whim.

Without fail everyone I spoke to in relation to BAAF’s demise exclaimed surprise with open mouth. ‘BAAF have closed!?, how, why, what?’

Thinking back to my journey into adoption it took me a while to realise that the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) wasn’t the official body for the oversight of adoption and fostering. Actually, it took me a few years before this penny dropped.

That’s how they seemed to be positioned. As an adopter and foster carer I was trained with BAAF resources, assessed several times using BAAF standard forms through local authority adoption and fostering services built on the foundations of BAAF guidance. All the professionals involved referred to the BAAF guidance and advice on every aspect of the process. BAAF training is considered to be the gold standard in relation to knowledge and practice for adoption.* The bookshelves in local authority departments are universally stocked with best BAAF practice guides and publications on a myriad of issues and topics relating to adoption.

Moving into my Social Work career in fostering I see the same applies. BAAF assessments models are the standard to work to and their guidance and training is taken as definitive and treat like law. Got a question? Then go to the BAAF book.

If BAAF says its ok, then it is ok.

Why would I not think that they were not they ‘official’ body for adoption and fostering but they’re not.

I've had little personal contact, as an adopter,  with BAAF other than a rather snooty rebuttal when I offered to help my local office with any publicity for National Adoption Week. I was on the telly every week for 6 weeks navigating the adoption process. As it was watched by up to 4 million viewers each week I thought that Mrs C and I could help the local campaign. I was made quite clear we could not. 

My professional contact, Social Worker to Social Worker, was much more amenable, perhaps that reveals something, perhaps not?

The ins and out of why they have come to an end is way above me and I have no inside information as to its demise other than what has been published. My heart goes out to the redundant staff as they face challenging days ahead compounded by the apparent suddenness of the news.

So, what does all of this mean for professionals, adopters and adoptees?

Adoption is in a time of change. The historical model of the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s is behind us, though sometimes it seems that it lives on in some heart and minds. Challenges to adopters and adoption that were once unusual are now standard. Adopters are an increasingly militant group not just accepting what we’re given, pushing back a bit asking why. Also, government are not sitting back and letting adoption tick along and increasingly they are making significant policy decision that impact on adopters and adoptees, perhaps not needing to refer to BAAF for approval. 

Was BAAF a product of its time unable to keep up in a changing landscape? A behemoth of adoption that no longer reflected the dynamic needs of the professional and amateur adoption community? I don't know.

Who will fill this position, the definitive voice of adoption & fostering? More to the point do we want it filled? 

*Though I have to say prohibitively expensive training. 

ASF: Start your engines.

For the last 13 years adoptive families have been saddled with this cruel legislative joke.* We have the right to have the needs of our children and families assessed in relation to adoption support by our local authorities but they have no duty to meet those needs.

"Yes,  Mr C we think you need Non Violent Resistance training to therapeutically support you with your aggressive child. Oh no, Mr C we're not going to give you it."

That sort of silly conversation.

So, the much lauded Adoption Support Fund (ASF) draws closer to it's national launch on the 1st May with the £19.3 million put aside to support the therapeutic needs of adoptive children. If you're like me my mind implodes with if and buts before I've reached the end of that sentence.  Is this a sticking plaster over the aforementioned legislative gaping wound? Ifs and buts, too many for me to list.

Then with weeks to go to the launch date the announcement of 'training' for Social Workers in regard to the ASF. It all seems a bit last minute. So, it seemed to make sense to see if I could blag my way onto the training and see what was going on. So I did.

Firstly it was a bit odd to sit with managers, Agency Decision Makers, Post Adoption Support Workers (PASW). All my region's movers and shakers some of whom had assessed me at various stages of my adoptions and their careers.

The main gist of the training was in relation to the procedure for applying for the fund. The pot of money is there to be used and in all honesty I couldn't think of a simpler system for applying from a Local Authorities (LA) perspective. Submit the online application, confirmed authorisation by a designated person in the authority and the answer will come within 5 working days and the monies by the end of the month. As bureaucratically streamlined as possible. The training is to be supplemented by phone support, visits from allocated advisors and webinars. You'd have to work hard to not understand or mess it up.
In fairness this is not beginning of the training that the LAs have had and was more a top up prior to launch.

The fund managers and the other trainers were clear that the money is to be used and used as creatively as possible within the remit of therapeutic support for children. What does that mean? Well, that's where the training got interesting, support can be identified, by SWs or Panels, and funds accessed prior to an Adoption Order. It can then be used after the order is in place, potentially supporting the placement of difficult to parent children. Groups of parents can be trained to therapeutically parent their children (filial therapy). Sibling groups can receive therapy even if some of them are over 18, young people with SEN can be funded for therapy up to the age of 25. Transport and accommodation for you to the therapist or for the therapist to you. The list went on and the creativity demonstrated by one of the pilot authorities was genuinely exciting.

So, that was good.

And the not so good?

Adopter engagement only constituted a small portion of the training. If adopters don't ask for it we won't get it. I know adopters that are on the fringe, they don't read blogs, magazines, go to events they are just living. I know adoptive families that are in need but remain off the radar.

Just as significantly adopter collaboration was not mentioned, addressed or highlighted. Like most adoptive parents I'm no expert in the benefits of specific therapies or what therapy would be most appropriate for my child. But I'm pretty sure I want to be in on the conversation.

I have concerns about the process of assessment, prior to application to the fund, maybe not a problem generated by the ASF but it will certainly highlight weakness in local provision. To my eyes this will be the bottleneck. The pilot schemes varied widely in number of applications and this concerns me what if you live in an authority that drag their heals. What if your relationship with your Local Authority is poor or acrimonious, then they are the last people you want back in your home.
Questions about the quality, quantity and location of provision.

There are as many questions as their are adopters.**  Specific questions that need to be asked and answered.
The timing of the General Election has limited getting some answers including long term funding plans. However, the fund is available now and we should access it now. Take what we can while we can.

In short:

1. Request an assessment of your need from your Local Authority's Post Adoption Service or placing authority if within three years of adoption.
2. If you are assessed as meeting the requirement for therapeutic support or intervention then work with your SW to identify what you want and need.
3. They'll access the monies
4. You'll get the support.

Yes, that's an oversimplification but in essence that's it.

My hope fuels my fear. My hope is that every adoptive family that needs therapeutic support calls their Social Worker as soon as they can and requests their assessment. My fear is that social work teams are not ready or do not have the capacity and structure to manage number of assessments.

So, where are we left? do we step back and wait and see? or do we make the call request an assessment and push?

Even if this lasts for 12 months I say push. At the least the next generation of adopters will have a raised expectation of support for their children and together we may precipitate a permanent change in legislation.


*The Adoption and Children Act 2002
**If you have questions contact your LA's PASW, Hugh Thornbury Adoption Uk's CEO on Twitter @TalkAdoptSupp or  me.

Triangle

As theoretical model the adoption triangle is fairly clear.

Though it reflects the individuals at the core of the adoption process it doesn't reflect the nature of the relationships or the process of adoption.
I find myself waking in the early hours with my mind ruminating on the the challenges faced by all the players in adoption. Increasingly my mind  sticks on the position and status of the members of the triangle.
In part this is highlighted by my own children moving into adulthood but also informed by my own professional and personal experiences.

The twitter adoption community feeds and threads are full of comments about challenges faced, mainly anonymous, and often aimed at Social Workers, Local Authorities, policy and government.
I'd do the same but they know who I am. It all points to the unseen member of the triangle

I would propose that we re draw the adoption triangle and reflect the status of the parties and players.

We could  argue about the position and size of my infographic bubbles. But for many of the players this is how it feels.

What scares me is if I was to have drawn this 50 years ago I'm not sure it would be any different.

Loss

I try to make my ramblings upbeat and I can assure many aspects of life in Coates Towers is positive. Of late it seems like there’s been a lot of tricky stuff going on for the kids and us. Re reading my posts I wonder if my blog should be titled ‘How not to adopt’ or ‘101 things about adoption you never cared to ask’.

This is our life at the moment and it reflects my belief that to adopt is to embrace sadness at some level. Even in the most successful, harmonious and straightforward adoption* at its heart lies an unavoidable sadness. We live with this tension and it’s varying manifestations in our lives day by day. It's the cup we drink from.

Added to our measure this week was the death of a close family friend. Over the last 8 years she had been an invaluable and unique source of support, insight, information to Mrs C and I and to Flossy and Lotty. Though her death was anticipated it has come as a shock to the children. Their response is complex it’s their first experience of the death of someone close. Predictably we’ve seen some interesting behaviour and grief manifested in many ways. Complex emotions and challenges to their understanding have left them in a fog of dysregulation.

Our friend, Flossy and Lotty’s birth Aunt, came into our lives in unique and unusual circumstances. We insisted on contact with her against the wishes of our Local Authority, and our Fostering Social Worker pled our case to the judge at the placement order hearing** and it was reluctantly granted. Tentatively we built trust and confidence and slowly, very slowly, she became a friend and then family.

We’d see each other weekly, Mrs C would talk and text daily. The two dimensional pantomime villains of our children’s paperwork became real people, lives, hopes, dreams, mistakes, tragedy and wrong decisions. She was a firewall between us and the less safe elements of birth family and an open door to the safe elements.

She broke the news of birth mum’s pregnancy to Mrs C, the imminent birth of Peanut. Mrs C and her agreed that it was best if Peanut came to live with us and 20 months later Peanut did***.

Flossy and Lotty loved their aunty, she was a tangible part of their lives and history that could not be replicated in a life story book or letter. She was an essential part of our lives she was a member of our family. We were blessed to see the pleasure she took in seeing her nieces grow.

All our grief and loss is compounded by our inability to attend the funeral to share our loss with her loved ones. Mrs C was able covertly to attend her bedside in her dying days and thank her for all she had done. This is the end of a special chapter of all our lives.

We feel blessed to have known her, rest in peace J.

*No such thing

**It’s complicated

***It’s very complicated

Stuck in the middle with you.

I understand that normal is a relative term and we all classify things, people and experiences as 'normal' based on our own knowledge and experience. Clearly, it represents a spectrum of experience and perspective.

However, I increasingly realise that as a family we have strayed from the accepted ‘normal’ and into a place that is anything but that. Of course that is not exclusive to adoption, but many friends and acquaintances that have adopted have made this journey and testify to this. 

The common denominator being that we are the parents of children who’s view of themselves and the world they find themselves in is not comparable to their peers’ views. Nor does it align with the 'normal' views of their families or the adults that they interact with. From this they act and react and as they see it their behaviour is a natural and justified response to the world they live in. 

eg.

In many parts of the known universe if you drop something on my toe it would be 'normal' to say sorry and I'd say it's fine.

However, in my little corner of the universe things run to a different 'normal' order. If you drop something on my toe it's my fault for having toes and actually I should apologise for being hurt and while we're on I'm an idiot.

Living at the intersection of these two ‘normals’ is challenging. Managing the needs of our children, families and the world we interact with.

Either clearing a way ahead, having a quiet word in the football coach/teacher/family member/visitor/friend/schoolyard parents ear. Asking to not be invited to the roller disco, sleepover or birthday party. Not to win the prize or act in the play.

Or

Sweeping up behind, giving palatable explanations, saying sorry or asking if we could not be invited next time. Getting shouted at, screamed and spat at and bearing the bunt of the fear and pain. 

We balance the needs of these opposing world views, whilst embracing them both.

I raise a glass to the men and women in the middle. 

2014: A review of the year.

It has without doubt been a most interesting year. High highs and low lows.

A few days into the new year and Gracie returned herself to the system that had passed her to us 15 years earlier. Looking back now it seems surreal, the events leading up to it and the act itself both laden with strong emotions and difficult experiences. We continue to wrestle with the what has happened and I'm sure we will for many year to come.

Days later we went en mass to the court for the celebration hearing to finalise Peanut's joining us. A great and remarkable day.
The high and low point of the year already set within the first weeks of January 2014.

The rest of the years has been the usual roller coaster of events with managing increasingly challenging behaviour being the constant underlying theme. We've broadened our range of theraputic support, without any assistance from Post Adoption Support services, more through conventional and unconventional means (Equine therapy). We will try anything, we have to.

I was nominated, with Mrs C, for the Happy list. We attended the subsequent event the most remarkable party I've ever been to, a room full of the most inspiring and humble people you'd wish to meet. I have spent the year clarifying that I did not have to 'be' happy to be on the list as I had not nominated myself, thanks BAAF.

Opportunities to share my experience of adoption have come through social media and blogging. However, my personal views on adoption have shifted more this year than I would ave anticipated. I still believe in adoption but increasingly I see orthodoxies in practice, thought and ethics that sit uncomfortably with me. I'm ruminating on how, where and if I should express them.

As the year draws to a close we watch the joyful, painful and delicate steps of reintroduction for our older children to siblings unfairly cast adrift 15 years previously. As we watch we consider our role in this new landscape and reflect on unexpected feelings and thoughts.

So that's our year in the vague.

Best TV: House of Cards (2nd year running).

Best Album: Ozzy Osbourne - Tribute (it wins every year).

Best book: Ruthless Trust (it wins every year).

Favourite colour: Red

All the best for 2015