A New Year

In the back of my mind I've always wondered how to stop blogging. I don't want my blog to fade away, falling into disrepair and mediocrity or worse still evolving into this tired feature in the blogging landscape.

I blog for several reasons with the main one being that I enjoy it and it's a good place to park some of the more challenging experiences that we walk through. I've lots of opinions as well, some interesting and some less so, airing them seems fairly positive as well, at least for me. Blogging has opened doors that I never even imagined and led me to places I didn't even know existed. Now I worry that I'm becoming part of the white noise on the internet.  Blogging is great and has value but I fear that I'm starting to repeat myself and nobody likes a bore.

This has been another marvellous year with lots of great interactions and chats floating around generated from my blogs but I wonder how this all ends. I can't blog indefinitely and I'm conscious that my experience is limited and consequently limits my posts. I'd dare to suggest that that my blog doesn't reflect MrsC experience either, we all walk our own path.

When I started blogging I made some promises to myself, they're all now fulfilled and that's made me think about where to go from here.

I don't want to slide into 'clickbait' posts, you know the:

'Three things you wanted to know about adoption but never dared to ask' type of post. 

I don't want to use my children as currency, I don't want offer advice posts, I strongly believe advice is better taken than given and I've a healthy scepticism of those that offer it.  I don't want to slip into misery porn or become a model of a modern adoptive family or a hollow review vehicle for some products that are tediously linked to my family. That's not to be dismissive of other blogs at all, we all blog for our own reasons and we don't have to justify them to anyone. If your blog makes you happy or help you then it's a success. It's more about where I fit into that landscape, or at least where I think I want to fit in.

There's more to my thinking than that. Our family is changing and priorities are shifting so I need to move with that and be ahead of the game rather than react to that. I need to be cleverer and there are other places that I need to be focused on and I need to be more effective. Basically,  fewer words but more potent words. So, its the end of the weekly blog.

I'm keen to host guest posts and put up news and views as well as the odd update on relevant stuff. Of course I'm still going to post blogs, but the 7:27am Friday morning post is gone. I'm also aware I've set a well ingrained blogging habit so bear with me as I try to do less!

It's not goodbye but a shift in my mind as to where the blog sits and what the blog is for. Thank you for reading and please keep doing so.

Lastly,

Hold Fast.

Change

Last week my Construction Plant Certification expired.

So what.

Good question, it seemed like a big deal, the passing of something that can't be be captured again. I loved my job in construction and sat and cried on a park bench the day I left for the last time after resigning. That was nine years ago. We walked into an uncertain future, with unfamiliar landmarks and features, we hoped everything would be ok and we'd make it, whatever 'it' was. We were struggling to care for traumatised children and it was traumatising us.  I knew we had five children and they would need to be the sole focus for a while and I couldn't remain in work. So I left and it felt like a catastrophic mistake of my own invention.

Some of that uncertainty from nine years ago remains, in fact it's that uncertainty feels like the one certainty. We still live moment by moment, trying to not be drawn into the drama, fear, rage, terror and anxiety. It seems pretty normal now, not bad or good it just is. I suppose its a development of what I spoke of last week, my aspirations are moderated by my circumstance. The idea of a 'career' a little absurd when home life seems so random and abstract at times.

The expiring of my certificate seems to burn a bridge, even if I wanted to I don't think I could return to that 'normal' life.  I'm sure I could actually return to my old job, actually I know I could my benevolent ex employer contacted me a few weeks ago and asked if I had a little spare time to do some work. I didn't, though I was tempted.

For all the challenge and complications I like what we've got. Of course I could give you a list of things I'd alter but I still love my kids. I never anticipated the changes parenting would bring, more so the changes that adoptive parenting would bring.

It feels like the winds of change are upon us again. The needs of the children are developing and the needs of the parents are changing.  I'm talking to friends about how I divide my time and where I place my energies. As they say:

 'Constant change is here to stay'