Cars

Imagine a factory that makes cars, blue ones and red ones. For every 5 blue cars they make they make 5 red cars then they send them to the car shops to be sold.

Now imagine a world where for every 10 people that want cars, 8 want blue and 2 want red.

Pretty quickly the cars shops run short of blue cars and consequently and the shops are full of red cars.
Very frustrating if you want a blue car.

Red cars are considered by many to be troublesome, needing frequent maintenance and attention but they do have character and can be quite funky. That may be why most people aren't sure about red cars.

However, some people always wanted a red car or feel a red car would suit them as they have a blue one and now fancy a second car and a red one would be perfect. They acknowledge red cars' wonky reputation but are willing to go with that anyway.

Many people who want blue cars have always wanted one, some from before they could even drive. Blue cars have a better reputation, more reliable, less wonky. So a red car is second best or not really an option. But, its a big but, can they wait or do they want to wait? So, being desperate for a blue car will they take a red one and hope it will feel blue. Or they re arrange their ambitions and accept a red car because it least it's a car. Maybe take a gamble on a red car?

So, what should we do.
Make less red and more blue would seem obvious but imagine the factory is in a distant land an they have no comprehension of the sales market.
Would we paint over the top of red cars and hope that nobody notices that they are really blue. Would we explain to buyers the situation and give them the choice wait in line or take a red car. Would we spend money on advertising and hope that more buyers would mean quicker sales and more people to buy red. We could but it also means more people who'd want to buy blue.

We could make bigger car shops, mega shops, have co-operation between shops, online shops, we could advertise in papers and magazines. But it doesn't change the colour of the cars or the preferences of the buyers.

We could make red cars a more attractive proposition.
A lifetime service plan?
Regular checks?
Free spares and breakdown cover?
Some people who rent the red cars get ongoing customer service which can be helpful. Maybe more could do that.
Perhaps a try before you buy scheme, it requires a bit of trust but can help to build buyer and seller confidence.

Unfortunately in this world the car shops are full of red cars and disappointed buyers looking for blue cars.

That's what I think about car sales.

I have a suspicion that if you look closely all cars are purple.

Transracial Adopter

I often feel that I’m teetering on my toes, straining to reach a fully developed understanding of the issues of race and racism. Facts, knowledge and empathy are within my grasp but lived experience will always be beyond my fingertips. Knowing my limitations brings me up short as again this weekend the issue of skin colour came into our foreground.

With the onset of better weather my little girl starts to wear summer dressed but is increasingly reluctant to show her arms or legs for fear of being different and what other children may say. Socks are pulled high and cardigans remain resolutely on, as she explains, ‘no matter how hot I get’. Whether the fear is real, imaginary or both the fear of other's eyes looking at her is her reality.

Like all parents I feel my children’s pain acutely, but in this instance that pain in my chest is exacerbated by my shortcomings. What can I say? The usual platitudes seem almost insulting?

‘But you’re beautiful’

‘You shouldn’t worry about what people think’ 

'I’m sure that your friends don’t think anything like that’.

All true but feel like they sidestep the issue. 
In another life and with a different colour skin I could tell her how I felt and what I did. But it's not that life and my skin is the colour of majority. I have limited lived experience to draw on and my empathy can take me so far. Intellectual understanding is good but not that helpful to a 9 year old. Difference can be an acute issue for many children and especially adopted children but for my little girl she is different to all but four other non white children in her primary school. When she looks in the mirror she is different to mam, dad, brother and sisters.

It brought to mind a tweet looking for potential adopters I read, it was a picture of a non white child with the words ‘Are you colourblind, could you parent this girl?’ I totally got the sentiment but was left curious by the naivety. I gently tweeted as much and the poster graciously acknowledged my point. Later someone jumped in on the back of the first tweet ‘we’d take them in, we don’t care what colour they are’. I felt less generous this time so said nothing.

Race is clearly an issue that is not exclusive to adoption but it is a thorny issue that many would like to downplay. As I've said before with non white children over represented in the care system and non white adopters under represented it is an issue we cannot avoid. 

White people will inevitability adopt non white children.

Someone a little further down the road on a similar journey to me said to me in no uncertain terms colour does matter, love is not enough and we have to see our children’s colour because we live in a society that does. They gave me a reading list and encouraged me to try harder. Of course I have no lived experience but I have no excuse for not reading, listening and asking.

I am not colourblind and I do care what colour my daughter is but I can never share her experience of being black.