Just a quick post, I was messaged by a Canadian researcher, Karine Tremblay, this week in relation to the impact of 'filial harm' on adoptive parents caring for adoptive parents. Like a lot of research it can confirm what we're experiencing or what we see happening but the 'gears of the wheel of suffering' shown here are helpful in articulating what many feel and experience. I'll see if I can get her to come on the A&F podcast as well as a full copy of the research findings.

While you're hear, don't forget that I'm delivering the findings of my Churchill Fellowship Report looking at how other contexts and countries support families living with CPV to practitioners on the 23rd April and parents and carers on the 24th all online and free (click links for details). If you can't make the dates sign up anyway and I'll send a recording after the events.

#adoption #Fostering #Kinship #CPV #CCVAB #CPVA

Walking with Familes - System change, my report and some dates.

My Fellowship report is complete. 

There's a lot to unpack in terms of what I've learnt and one thing that strikes at the heart of what many families live with is how do we access support and what that support looks like and for how long is it needed?

An example of this could be adoptive families in crisis, as a little experiment I asked a couple of closed FB groups what was the influence of children's challenging and violent behaviour on the level of challenge that they experienced. O being not at all and 10 being the overwhelming influence. 

You'll not be surprised to hear that of 50 responses only 3 were scored less than 10. 

If we want to talk about family breakdown and disruption we have to talk about challenging behaviour, if we want to talk about challenging behaviour we have to talk about services' responsibility and response.  

But my point is this, with two thirds of adoptive parents experiencing challenging and violent behaviour then the response of services should be fundamentally built on a developed and informed knowledge base.

It should also be build on the expectancy that challenging and violent behaviour most likely will happen, with the only doubt being when? 

We need to move away from the idea of a short, one off, intervention or course of NVR/therapeutic training is enough. 

We need systems that can 'walk with families' across the span of a child's childhood, that can respond when needed but never shut the door when not needed. Challenges don't go away, they ebb and flow, they reemerge at different landmarks, school changes, family loss, adolescence etc. 

Systems need to be built to keep in touch and be available.

So, banging that drum is my next project!

Anyway I'm getting into the stuff of my report!  The words are written, recommendations finalised, podcasts polished and audio appendix locked into the document. The nice people at TCF have said it's fine!

So, I've put a date in the diary to release it to the wild and on the 23rd and 24th April I will hold to online events as a start point and release the podcasts through the A&F Podcast. 

Why so far away? Well, there's a new website to build and what with one thing and another I've got no time between now and then. 

Please do sign up and pop along!

Free online event at 12noon to 1:30 on the 23rd April for professionals 

Book here

Free online event 8pm to 9pm on the 24th April for parents/carers

Book here

The Churchill Fellowship - update 5: The End of the Beginning

Well, it feels like quite a moment, I've drawn a line in the proverbial sand and there'll be no more interviews for my Fellowship research. I say that but if I get made an offer I can't refuse I won't. I will not miss the late nights and early mornings for sure. 

It would seem like an appropriate moment to steal the words of Churchill himself:

'This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning' 

Now its seems like a very different but very real work is set before me as I draw out from the many interviews the clear threads that have run through the conversations. Issues of peer support, relational practice, focused interventions and education are prominent. 

There have been few 'eureka' moments but there have been a lot of 'of course! moments. 

So, back to the laptop, sifting through and ordering the 25+ interviews and conversations, pulling out pertinent points, narrating, editing and all that grind. 

The Fellowship advised that we shouldn't be quick to draw our conclusions or put pen to paper but I think one benefit of doing it online has given me time to step away and sift through my thoughts. Now is the time to start to order them and start to come up with a coherent narrative. 

What's my ETA? Well, early new year seems like my best guess at the moment, in the meantime many thanks to all who have talked to me, listened to me and pointed me in new directions. 

Stay well.  

Churchill Fellowship - pt 4 TimeZones

Like a man adrift from the wonders of modern technology I'm kicking myself only now realising I can set my laptop to show me different timezones. I'm embarrassed to tell you the number of times I've sat infront of my computer Googling 'what time is it in..........' then to do a sum with the aid of my fingers. Thank goodness my biggest time leap has only been 10 hours so far (actually, it was 9 but we survived).

The juxtaposition of speaking to someone at the other side of the world as they woke for the day and then the call ending and me creeping upstairs to crawl into bed in the week hours had been peculiar. During the night information and insight dance to their own tune and I confess to being inspired in the small hours only to wake in the morning to see inspiration dampened in the cold light of day. Some of those late night conversations are almost like fever dreams, I confess to being a morning person! 

I've been constantly surprised at the generosity of all those that have spoken to me, resources have been shared and we've sometimes shared the same language and sometimes not. It's clear that different context, cultures and countries have so much insight into the challenges faced by families caring for children with challenging behaviour and many of the themes that you'd recognise from the UK are present. However, approaches and perspectives on that may differ. 

Themes are emerging and sharpening, new ideas developing but we were encouraged by the Fellowship team to take time to reflect on the conversations and not to rush to draw it all together. So, with only a few more interviews planned it's time to re listen to the interviews and rest for a while. 

  

The Churchill Fellowship - Update 3 (Down the rabbit hole)

"Oh, you need to speak to someone I know in................."

Now I've started speaking to people for real I feel like Alice in Wonderland disappearing down the rabbit hole, in a good way of course. 

When all us Fellows met in July we were told of the serendipity that often occurred when meeting people who would then open the door to someone who would be able to open another and so on. 

Well, it's clear that doing the Fellowship online puts that serendipity on steroids. Over the last 10 days I've spoken to the US thrice, Canada once, been pointed back to Ireland, hopped over to New Zealand and directed to Australia and back to the US. Each person is generous in relation to the time and energy they give me, also they have all agreed to be recorded as part of my 'audio appendices'.

Themes are starting to emerge across cultures, what families want and what they can have. Who is doing the work and if they're in the system outside of it. 

I'm taking a little time off now then back to the US and perhaps a little sojourn into Europe. 

Thank you to all everyone who has given their time so far. If you've a contact in some far flung land or closer to home then do email me at info@alcoates.co.uk

PS. I can't be too sure but think I was speaking to someone in Mexico this week, they were definitely Mexican though. I should have asked. 

Safeguarding Families In Adoption Online Conference 24th Sept 9:30 to 1pm

 

Safeguarding Families In Adoption Online Conference 24th Sept 9:30 to 1pm

Involvement with safeguarding systems is difficult for all families and can often be stressful upsetting and incredibly challenging. Of course, we need systems to keep children safe but many adoptive (and Foster, SGO and Kinship) families find that children who have lived thought early adversity, are incredibly vulnerable and have been through the Looked after System can often be drawn back into safeguarding processes. Services can struggle to manage the complexity and many families feel that the system need to be reconsidered understanding all that is known. 

So,

Join Fiona Wells, founder or PATCH, and me for a virtual event focused on safeguarding families in the adoption on 24th September 2024 9:30 to 1pm. We will be considered in current practice, impacts on parents and children and future practice. It will all be recorded and available afterwards and even if you can only join us for a short period you're welcome. 

 You can book tickets here. 

Speakers

Sarah Johal MBE - National Adoption Strategic Lead for Adoption England

Vicki McKeown - Social worker & Psychotherapeutic Counsellor

Fiona Wells - Adoptive Parent, Adult Adoptee, Social Worker & Author of the "Adoption Crisis' Report and founder of PATCH

Al Coates MBE - Adoptive parent, Social Worker and Founder of the Adoption & Fostering Podcast

The event will be recorded and available to listen to afterwards if you can't make the whole morning.

Background

A significant number of households formed through adoption often struggle to care for and manage the needs of their children. These struggles often escalate into crises, with parents finding it difficult to support their children and manage their complex needs and behaviors. During these challenging times, the support systems in place can fall short.

This online event aims to explore the context surrounding these issues, identifying and examining fundamental factors and consideration of how the adoption system and family support services can better respond to all members of the family. The goal is to ensure that families are kept safe, strengthened, and able to maintain positive home environments.

You can book tickets here. 

The Churchill Fellowship - Update 2

So, rubber is hitting the road and my first interview is arranged! Oh, it was all fun and games now it seems really real. 

I'm in a Churchill Fellowship WhatsApp group and one Fellow has already left the country, it's like a peculiar version of the Whacky Races.  

Anyway, there seems to be a lot of preparation that needs to be done. Mainly getting a clear consent form drafted up and watertight. You'd think after nearly 500 episodes of the Fostering & Adoption Podcast I'd have one in place but we've done it all on a spit and a handshake so far and there's only been one wobble and that wasn't from a guest! So, I've been in touch with the boffins at Coram and they pointed me in the right direction. 

The breaking news is that I've arranged my first interview so that's focusing the mind for sure. What are the right questions and whereas in other interviews I let the interviewees take the lead this is a new day and I need to drill down quick and get the info that I need. So, that's a new skill to grow. 

Slightly concerning is that a few leads have been open and honest that there's a dearth of support for families living with challenging and aggressive behaviour their country. Of course, this comes as no surprise but does chill my heart in terms of what I will find as I step out into the world. 

Slightly surprising is the direction that the breadcrumbs have taken me with leads growing in Germany and maybe Cambodia. Well they weren't on the list but this is the beauty of the online world. 

So, first county on my list of is Canada!