tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30962040599854065422024-03-27T05:42:28.521+00:00Al Coates - Adoption:Fostering:Social WorkViews and thoughts on all things permanence for children and Social WorkAl Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comBlogger406125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-33739797440110592732023-11-25T11:10:00.009+00:002023-11-25T11:55:20.848+00:00Peer support - An antidote of sorts. <p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sitting with parents of children with challenging, violent and aggressive behaviour this week was an absolute pleasure in the worst sense of the word. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I wish we did not have to be there, but we were and we made the most of it. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s an easy group to facilitate, in that people just talk to one another and that is often enough. We supply the coffee, biscuits and a roof over </span>their<span style="font-family: inherit;"> heads. </span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">We don't need to begin because immediately </span>people<span style="font-family: inherit;"> relax and start to talk to one another and </span>genuine<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and warm connection </span>happens. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The moment of eye contact and the knowing nod of the hear, people agree and say ‘yes, that’s us, I feel that’ the isolation thaws in the warmth of company that does not just intellectually understand but ‘gets it’, I mean really ‘gets it’.</span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today the conversation eases towards connection, </span>everyone in the room describes the slow constriction of their social networks, the fracture in relationships and the separation that they live in as they care for their child. Children whose version of normal isn't, children who break your best friends vase or get their cousin in a full nelson on a back garden bouncy castle. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">As we </span>talk the conversations coagulate around this disconnection from the world around, this othering that acts as a lens to focus the isolation even further. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span>Worlds that have become small. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span>Fractures in relationships that we relied upon in previous times, times before complicated children. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span>We are a tribe now, all our stories are different, adoption, biological, kinship, fostering. We walk the same path but we are connected. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span>Peer support is often characterised in professional circles as the cherry on the cake of adoption support, an added extra so to say. However, I increasingly believe it's the cake, interventions are good but they are a moment in time, peer support is often woven into every day and minute. </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span>To finish I mangled a quote from brighter minds </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i>For families peer support can offer a culture of hope, resilience and 'normality' as opposed to a culture of hopelessness, isolation and a sense being perpetually on the outside of society.*</i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu2gxmCOIzHPCXd6isQfi-GxXSh7cqC1t-wNLGoz9aa8hE5BzL4J_kZqQ1XTBLwMNtPDbC-RBtnlZ3fbRNY_GTjpV4gjCHVoK-ZacK_QzljqIs1ZY45k4MN3IEMZiAbtlDYHyjOTlFesXljm39KwYQWZaYmnQIzKT0l8s47zyZ2avv-n5D7PxNFBKaXSs/s1280/pier-1467984_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu2gxmCOIzHPCXd6isQfi-GxXSh7cqC1t-wNLGoz9aa8hE5BzL4J_kZqQ1XTBLwMNtPDbC-RBtnlZ3fbRNY_GTjpV4gjCHVoK-ZacK_QzljqIs1ZY45k4MN3IEMZiAbtlDYHyjOTlFesXljm39KwYQWZaYmnQIzKT0l8s47zyZ2avv-n5D7PxNFBKaXSs/s320/pier-1467984_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></b></div><b><br /><i><br /></i></b><p></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">* the </span>original quote is in relation to adult mental health <i>'</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Peer support can offer a culture of health and ability as opposed to a cul ture of “illness” and disability' </i></span><span style="font-family: "PalatinoLinotype,Bold";">Curtis, L. C. (1999). Modeling Recovery: Consumers as Service Providers in Behavioral Healthcare. </span><span style="font-family: "PalatinoLinotype,Italic";">National CouncilNews, </span><span style="font-family: "PalatinoLinotype,Bold";">pp. 7-9. Rockville, MD: National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare.</span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-75919129060745683362023-11-14T19:33:00.006+00:002023-11-15T09:01:12.242+00:00Shut up and listen. <p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">The desire to be heard seems fundamental to who we are. In the book 'Sapiens' </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Yuval Harari explains</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue;"> that the telling of stories defines us and sets us apart from all other animals. It allows connection and helps us organise and co operate. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue;">It's clear to me for that to be true then our stories need to be heard, we need to be heard, we need to be able to tell our stories. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Scrolling and occasionally doomscrolling through the various social media feeds I’m connected into and the need to be heard and to be listened to bounces off the screen. So many of those that post articulate that they have not been heard, by family, friends and services. They talk of being judged, misrepresented or misunderstood. Living with children with complex needs and the associated risks for challenging and complex behaviour is the norm amongst adoption, foster care, kinship, SEN and guardianship communities. The consequences for the adults so frequently is isolation, blame, shame consequently compounding challenges being faced. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"> </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A common thread amongs these communities is the experience of <b>'not being listened to'</b>.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Being heard or listened to isn't a substitute for tangible actual help but without it then there's limited chance that we'll even get to the start line of help. Being sent on courses that don't fit, being disbelieved or judgements being made on limited information are all too common in these communities and the underpinning issue is a lack of listening. Admittedly, some people caught in the maelstrom of child to parent violence or childhood challenging violent and aggressive behaviour struggle to articulate what is happening and what it's doing to them. But still they need to be listened to. Often as professionals we are waiting for our turn to talk rather than listen.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I've been social worked and I can tell when they aren't that interested in my story. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Now I sit on the other side of the curtain, I'm invited to speak to parents and carers to offer help and insight. It's not an easy spot to be in, the issues are complex, multilayered. The solutions are often bespoke as we try to turn downward spiralling systems around while propping up struggling adults and expect them to work towards change. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I often enter into these situations with fear and trepidation but often it's simple. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Shut up and listen.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The effect is often remarkable. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">'You get it' and 'You understand' are often the phrases used. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Perhaps then I tell a little of my own story and there's a palpable sigh of relief. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The message is clear, 'You're not alone'.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">We look for stories like ours to make sense of our stories, validate our feelings and legitimise our thoughts. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Telling our stories and hearing others' stories connects us. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">This is a complex world and if you're living with a child with high levels of need and behaviour that can be challenging then it can be hard to navigate amongs families living in the 'normal'. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I've been blessed having had some amazing professionals and that I felt heard was often the magic ingredient. We need professionals that can listen and listen without limits, be curious and acknowledge peoples' stories and connect.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmDf8_Flnga3sXlcfKyARN3kP1H7oxA7CFi-UKQNtdgicqH0fRiZeq6qj_GdobXghxdwKemUrdAvVRfSsJbYQmBY3vt2LkGGMIBd-OCHYWKrax7Y0O-XGeVXXuHRrp7aiAcwpaJD-mxHbFhtgiqf24gLH0YI7YdLih9aZM2omEggM9Mj_LepG7tMIY8u4/s1024/6314325249_eefe9365d9_b.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmDf8_Flnga3sXlcfKyARN3kP1H7oxA7CFi-UKQNtdgicqH0fRiZeq6qj_GdobXghxdwKemUrdAvVRfSsJbYQmBY3vt2LkGGMIBd-OCHYWKrax7Y0O-XGeVXXuHRrp7aiAcwpaJD-mxHbFhtgiqf24gLH0YI7YdLih9aZM2omEggM9Mj_LepG7tMIY8u4/w400-h266/6314325249_eefe9365d9_b.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-44507999285346141172023-05-05T19:33:00.001+01:002023-05-06T21:12:05.840+01:00Adoption Crisis: The Jarring Reality Of Adoption - Update<p>Been a really interesting and busy week in terms of the Adoption Crisis report that Fiona Wells <i>et al. </i>produced. We've spoken to the great and the good across several meetings and had some very informed and productive meetings. </p><p>There's not one person that doesn't see the issues or isn't aware of the challenges that many families face. </p>The Julie Selwyn '<a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/301889/Final_Report_-_3rd_April_2014v2.pdf">Beyond the Adoption Order</a>' report from 2014 loomed large over the conversations, are we still looking at one third of adoptive families in crisis, one third with some struggle and one third doing ok. I'd say probably that's just a view from here. <div><br /></div><div><br /><a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/301889/Final_Report_-_3rd_April_2014v2.pdf"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/301889/Final_Report_-_3rd_April_2014v2.pdf"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gYUk6pBOb7Z6q_XzvcghYlNIvECBokjW3VqZidY4VEe88Qyc2DXHNnAvFNM00Ae1Mwx8b8OiZF_Te-2BFwj1tvvtABHmoF7RqetzbEf7ZHrcvUA8UcPBMD8_JKIwxiT3IjRb0kfOTtFWWO_njIeV6Uj0zeoUYsG4qTSraP4IcXa2OuZOZ7zPDuWZ/s4000/IMG_9157%20(1).jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2472" data-original-width="4000" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gYUk6pBOb7Z6q_XzvcghYlNIvECBokjW3VqZidY4VEe88Qyc2DXHNnAvFNM00Ae1Mwx8b8OiZF_Te-2BFwj1tvvtABHmoF7RqetzbEf7ZHrcvUA8UcPBMD8_JKIwxiT3IjRb0kfOTtFWWO_njIeV6Uj0zeoUYsG4qTSraP4IcXa2OuZOZ7zPDuWZ/w640-h397/IMG_9157%20(1).jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Well, there's no empirical data and we talked a lot about looking to build some sort of knowledge base in terms of that as well as in terms of pre adoption order breakdown or post order disruption. The keys to getting that data are complex but it would be a helpful step. It can feel dull but data drives decisions and the adoption community can help with that in terms of lived experience of interacting with services and agencies. <div><br /></div><div>We talked in terms of the interface of RAAs and local authority safeguarding teams as they often get drawn into the crisis' that families face. We need to have informed and knowledgeable practitioners that understand the complexity of caring for children with complex histories, biology and behaviour. That would not only benefit adoptive families but from a numerical perspective SGO families and families caring for children with SEND. Everybody wins. <br /><br />Respite was bandied around and some interesting thoughts in terms of what that would and should look like were had. Adopter preparation was also discussed, how do we effective prepare prospective adopters? There's broad guidance in the Regs but beyond that different RAAs and VAAs do it differently, do we need national minimum standards or steal ideas from fostering where post approval foster carers are required to evidence training and development. <div><br /></div><div>Ideas are fine and there's no shortage of them, however initiating and creating change and building consensus is a wholly different matter. The political reality is that we're likely in the run up to a change of Government and that being the case if we're to see the political will for long term change we need to be lobbing this government to initiate change and any future government to maintain that change and see it through. That's complex especially in a landscape of austerity, cost of living and resources being stretched. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm a pragmatist, there's things we can aim for that are within the gift of those that we met but changing culture in adoption is a long term project. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>So, what next?</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, we're letting the dust settle on the conversations we've had and then come up with some steps we can take to ensure that the issue remains on the agenda and that we can aim for the achievable and build for the longer term objectives. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br /></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-45750981748894372122022-04-26T08:37:00.004+01:002022-04-26T09:00:41.734+01:00Roll the Dice..........<p><b>Childhood Challenging Violent and Aggressive Behaviour</b> is complex, it's emotive, its scary. It's challenging for professionals to walk into a home and unpick the murky soup of trauma, behaviour, biology, history, family etc. </p><p>It seems like a little overstatement but picking up the phone to ask for help can be one of the hardest things we do as a family. Beyond the usual barriers, shame, guilt and embarrassment, the uncertainty of what the response will be can strike absolute terror into the heart of any parent or carer. </p><p>This picking up the phone and <b>'rolling the dice'</b> is what we do as we don't know who will come or what they'll do. </p><p>We've had some amazing professional involvement, which bizarrely we take full credit for*. We've put in the legwork, built the relationships, worked hard at effective communication (and occasionally education). Being honest we've also seen professionals step up and step in when needed and it's been a life saver, those good ones are worth all the gold in the world. </p><p>When it's not been so great it's rarely been intentional but more often professionals finding themselves in situations that they're not equipped or trained for. Of course, sometimes it's just plainly outside of the remit of the agency or they have a lack of resources or capacity for complex work. Mostly the come in and say, 'I'll need to talk to my manager'. </p><p>This week two people contacted me, they'd 'rolled the dice'. For one it went much better than expected, they'd held off for months, absorbed behaviour, violence, aggression for fear of not knowing who will come and it fell favourably. For the other, not so well. Veiled concerns over their parenting, what was going on, ineffectual collaboration between professionals, confusion over roles, a mess added to a mess. Worse still families drawn into child safeguarding at the expense of adult safeguarding. <i>(Note: Everyone needs safeguarding often)</i></p><p>If we can believe that the prevalence of #CCVAB #CPV is between 3% and 10% in the general population and higher in specific cohorts (SGO, SEN, LAC, PLAC) then the powers that be need to take this seriously. It may not be present in every case a children/families/adoption/SGO/LAC social worker has but it will be a feature of some families. We need the profession to build on the knowledge base and be more effective at supporting families and offering effective solutions. At least we need specialists within LA/RAAs to be available to consult with frontline social workers, offer support and guidance. </p><p>Families should not feel like they roll the dice when they pick up the phone to ask for help. I know the solutions are complex, messy and uncertain. However, the basics of listening, understanding and showing empathy and compassion should be our start point regardless and those be a foundation to build effective interventions off. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBn-45tAh9G6LvJy8R0eVIu6ECJ5crSFT-djDQJRD0hwNw5nigioBVblI4fEwnUiBV-qoptKLpGhGin2D6tWGyPWbRtN8J1IBcEFSQFmdGNIYezflTvX8y_b_Hp60d0IewGv3b81rkNJpECqz_dvS9VOp59CDASQJQf3OYhmZJ2iu5ChupWsofewUl/s1080/%23CCVAB%20Event%20for%20SWers-7.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span> <span> <span> <span> <span> <span> <span> <span> <span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBn-45tAh9G6LvJy8R0eVIu6ECJ5crSFT-djDQJRD0hwNw5nigioBVblI4fEwnUiBV-qoptKLpGhGin2D6tWGyPWbRtN8J1IBcEFSQFmdGNIYezflTvX8y_b_Hp60d0IewGv3b81rkNJpECqz_dvS9VOp59CDASQJQf3OYhmZJ2iu5ChupWsofewUl/w640-h640/%23CCVAB%20Event%20for%20SWers-7.png" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>*I think I have a problem, I do have compassion for professionals turning up a our door. </div><div><br /></div><div>You can see the training that I'm delivering on #CCVAB #CPV for professionals, parents and carers <a href="https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/manage/collections/262349/events">here</a></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-76979369532489081372022-02-17T19:35:00.005+00:002022-02-17T19:35:58.138+00:00System Literacy<p>I'm being chased by a metaphoric and actual storm. On my bike heading to the station to catch a train a day early as LNER have informed me it's all gonna go 'Pete Tong' due to storm Eunice. </p><p>The phone rings, I pull up and take the call. </p><p>It's early help, the duty social worker is calling back after we called the duty team to ask them if the duty social worker that came out to see us after the allocated social worker had been unavailable after they'd not come out for two weeks after they had promised cos a thing had happened to them, anyway this duty worker has spoken to that duty worker who had come out and now she understands why we called. </p><p>Yeah, you know how it works.</p><p>We talked, I explained, she understood. She said there's been a referral for early help. </p><p>Time slowed, I chose my words carefully. </p><p>"Actually, at the fear of becoming the person that doesn't want early help causing an escalation in concerns, can I say that I don't want early help and I won't be having it thanks....................."</p><p>"Ah, ok." was the reply, phew we dodged a bullet. We talked some more and I made sense of why a referral had been made and why we'd asked for it to be made. It's all a bit of a dance. </p><p>It is worth noting that MrsC's views on the impact of an earlier early help 'intervention' if articulated in full would make a pirate blush. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgkpJERJ0aS8_MnB511klKMiYBX2D1yZOfC0ODbJb6K7D56xDj1N6mexiytSId9Z3UCkLqdWTO-tGBjdvM4D1-6RjQYY5tIlo63AV9TYIZx-btXI1lbAQGj-V7f8SpLV5HQ06S_kY_UsmiaksfdCnUoL7ocutgG4qEp6cyBA8ztV_XwgUdBfNITDnc7=s3712" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2292" data-original-width="3712" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgkpJERJ0aS8_MnB511klKMiYBX2D1yZOfC0ODbJb6K7D56xDj1N6mexiytSId9Z3UCkLqdWTO-tGBjdvM4D1-6RjQYY5tIlo63AV9TYIZx-btXI1lbAQGj-V7f8SpLV5HQ06S_kY_UsmiaksfdCnUoL7ocutgG4qEp6cyBA8ztV_XwgUdBfNITDnc7=w640-h398" width="640" /></a></div><p>System Literacy is a real thing, as a parent with ongoing social care involvement it's the difference between disaster and success. We know it's a terrible thing to fall into the hands of an angry social care system. </p><p>A couple of years ago I spent two hours on the phone to a friend walking her through roles and responsibilities, pitfalls and dangers encouraging openness but warning against naivety, how to speak, how not to speak and how to get help and not get trouble. </p><p>Adoptive parents understand that they will need to support thier children and hopefully they are prepared to do so in the process. We need to prepare and support them for the lifetime of professional interactions, how do dance with services, how to advocate and keep our children safe. </p><p>There you go a little story from my day. </p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-48737753901118503662021-09-10T19:20:00.005+01:002021-09-10T19:20:38.328+01:00Adoptee Representation<p>In most every way it's obvious, any group that has a significant life altering legislative and policy framework dedicated to them which has lifelong fundamental implications for them and their dependents and forebears should have some influence over it. </p><p>Well, apparently it's not so obvious. </p><p>Adoptee representation within the system has been missing, of course there's individuals that have worked within the system and brought personal experience and perspective to bear but rarely do we see systemic representation of adoptees in policy context. </p><p>We do get 'adoptee of the month' invited into roundtables or events, willing participants at Adoption Prep groups or the like and of course groups for young adoptees frequently given opportunities at events and conferences. All of that is welcome, but it's adoptees by permission, open to the accusation of being curated by adoptive parents or adoption agencies to ensure that they don't stray too far from the adoption orthodoxy. Or at worst young voices welcomed but given no permission or possibility to affect change or influence power.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1pG1ChCR6KUlM6ujRLNg64C6nMNEGZEM9Yg5OpsGV_fvu_K3ObVsy6UZF3wa94q_Ocz8OpQNGnQjHmRARi7h8qT5CUaYDMIs3UvjBbK2xUa5uqYGegSd7EwrgIki6dPkDZDsE6AGvXQ/s640/1+%25284%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="327" data-original-width="640" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1pG1ChCR6KUlM6ujRLNg64C6nMNEGZEM9Yg5OpsGV_fvu_K3ObVsy6UZF3wa94q_Ocz8OpQNGnQjHmRARi7h8qT5CUaYDMIs3UvjBbK2xUa5uqYGegSd7EwrgIki6dPkDZDsE6AGvXQ/w640-h328/1+%25284%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>Of course any 'service user' consultation is challenging, fraught with diverse views and perspectives, disagreements and complications. </p><p>For example, what knowledge to adoptees have of the actual system? often too young or not privy to the forms, processes or paths that their adoptive parents travailed. </p><p>For example, if you were adopted in the 60's or 70's how relevant is your perspective on the Virtual School role for previous looked after children in high school? </p><p>Adopted adults views change and flex but that true of every human that ever lived. </p><p>All the above are reasonable points when considering adoptee input into the current system. </p><p>But it's all nonsense given my first paragraph, even if the role and influence is limited it's time for adoptees to come into the rooms where policy and practice are discussed. </p><p>We owe those that have found themselves cast into this system a voice in its running. Those that have passed through it need to be listened to, it may not be comfortable, it may not be pretty, but it may not be that hard and we may find areas where adult adoptees can improve and direct us to a better way of caring for children who can not and should not live with their biological families. </p><p><br /></p><p><i>I say all this not as an adoptee but a witness to the adoptee experience and I'd argue that is valid enough but again I'm a palatable voice that may be too bland for some and too spiked for others. </i></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-20603586525063129502021-09-05T14:54:00.007+01:002021-09-05T14:56:36.088+01:00First day at a new school for a fostered or adopted kid - A guest post by Phil Watson<h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); clear: both; color: #333333; line-height: 1.2308; margin: 0px 0px 1.2308em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Kindly re posted from Phil Watson's blog which you can view here- <a href="https://fosteringandadoptionwithphil.com/2021/08/24/first-day-at-a-new-school/?fbclid=IwAR2-4cEa2wdyg6lKq7Jk0f-YlpuLJIgd6GrQR77fdi888ZLG4LfSlCi_EfM ">Fostering & Adopting with Phil</a></span></span></h1><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); clear: both; line-height: 1.2308; margin: 0px 0px 1.2308em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">“I’m not going”.</span></span></h1><h1 class="entry-title" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); clear: both; line-height: 1.2308; margin: 0px 0px 1.2308em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-weight: normal;">My wife and I were not surprised that The Little Man didn’t want to go to a new school.</span></h1><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">Anything new, anything different, anything out of the ordinary set his ‘survival brain’ into overdrive.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We’d learnt his preferred response to ‘anything new’ if he was in public was ‘to freeze’ or ‘to flop’.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">If a stranger spoke to him, for example in a shop, he’d simply stare until they went away.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">It’s quite effective, even if it appears a bit rude.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">If the stranger continued to probe, he’d put his hooded anorak over his head.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">If he was with us, in our home, he’d fight.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">‘Fighting’ could involve biting, kicking, swearing and smashing stuff up.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">‘Throwing things’ was pretty popular too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He had never resorted to ‘flight’.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">‘Flight’ would mean he’d be on his own and he was too scared for that.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">My wife and I began to hatch a little plan about how we’d handle the first day of term at his new school.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We’d worry about the second day later.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">There was little point in getting ahead of ourselves!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">The fist part of the plan had been to casually introduce familiarity.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We’d taken him to his new school for an open day.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We’d shown him the school website.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We engaged in as much of the school’s transition activities as possible.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">His new school was a couple of miles away and we drove that way a few times over the summer.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We didn’t say we were visiting his new school, rather the pub opposite.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdpDsNC8TqRGWzxQc-ma_51tuQmfD0dXKeBwrDL83rUP0ur52mHZNodMYWpA-nJew9sqZxa5-xaT1ffH1MRAtioeltmG4e4dlgoIJkgaLnrR_CSvHD5uYppgSUb_HqZ3vw0Dnmeqttk0o/s1174/img_2940.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1174" data-original-width="1162" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdpDsNC8TqRGWzxQc-ma_51tuQmfD0dXKeBwrDL83rUP0ur52mHZNodMYWpA-nJew9sqZxa5-xaT1ffH1MRAtioeltmG4e4dlgoIJkgaLnrR_CSvHD5uYppgSUb_HqZ3vw0Dnmeqttk0o/w396-h400/img_2940.jpg" width="396" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span face=""Noto Sans", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(112, 112, 112); color: #707070; font-size: 16px;">If you’ve experienced massive amounts of trauma and fear, particularly at a young age, your amygdala will kick in very quickly, often when it’s not warranted.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We popped in for coke and crisps.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We played on the slide.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We hoped that the area would appear less threatening.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We hoped that we would make his ‘first day journey’ less terrifying.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We hardly mentioned school at all over the summer holiday.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We knew there’d be questions we couldn’t answer, and we knew that would add to the anxiety.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We bought school uniform and equipment via the internet.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We had decided that his new school bag would in fact be his brother’s old school bag.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We’d negotiated with his school, that contrary to some regulations, he’d be packing a variety of fidget </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">toys and favourite phone cases.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">The Little Man knew this was happening but we made as little a deal out of it as possible.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We hid our own fears and anxieties.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We only discussed what we’d do in whispered tones when he was busy watching YouTube clips with his headphones on.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He had some trust in us.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He didn’t need to know that we didn’t know everything, although he probably had his suspicions.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">On the ‘big day’, we divided the tasks.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We decided I’d be responsible for getting him ‘there’ on the first morning.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">If that went successfully, I’d be responsible for bringing him ‘back’. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We knew he’d respond best if only one person was in charge.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We knew we’d respond best if only one of us had to make the decisions.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">Everyone else’s task was to keep out of the way.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We kept everything as low key and as unemotional as possible.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">As our birth kids and my wife left the house on that September morning, we avoided any overt show of emotion or goodbyes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">We did not take a ‘first day photo’ on the ‘first day’.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">With just the two of us in the house, we got dressed, we ate breakfast, and we watched Paw Patrol.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">“We are going now. You can sit in the front or in the back of the car. It’s your choice”<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I knew that giving him some autonomy may help calm him.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">“I’m not going”.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">His response was the one I’d dreaded but I didn’t let my face show it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I got the car keys, opened the front door and turned the alarm on.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I left the house and got in the car.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">My face was still impassive.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">As the 30 second beep countdown urged us to leave the house, he appeared at the front door.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He appeared beside me on the passenger seat.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">“Please be in charge of the radio”.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He chose the familiarity of Radio 2.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">Astute readers will have noticed that whilst our house alarm was on, our front door was still open.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">This was a risk I was willing to take.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">The seven minute journey to school passed without incident.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I chose not to speak.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I let Chris Evans and Coldplay fill the silence.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">On arrival, there was another minor stand off.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He didn’t want to get out of the car, so I just got out and walked away.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I was pretty sure he’d follow me and I was right.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">As we reached the school gate I handed him my phone.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">“I will meet you here when school ends. You can give me my phone back then”.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">A few hours later I met him at the appointed time and place.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">He returned my phone with a nod.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">When he wasn’t looking, I took the SIM card out of my ‘back up phone’ and slid it back into the phone that he’d been minding for me all day.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">I’m not completely daft!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;">You can view Phil's blog here <span style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-size: medium;">- </span><a href="https://fosteringandadoptionwithphil.com/2021/08/24/first-day-at-a-new-school/?fbclid=IwAR2-4cEa2wdyg6lKq7Jk0f-YlpuLJIgd6GrQR77fdi888ZLG4LfSlCi_EfM " style="caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Fostering & Adopting with Phil</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-37170581913415832482021-08-06T19:32:00.006+01:002021-08-06T19:36:38.945+01:00AbsolutelyAs the parent of six children who have traversed the care system, tracking unique paths to it and through it I feel like I can speak with a level of confidence in relation to a few things. <div><br /></div><div>I'm not an expert by experience and don't pretend to be but I can speak as a witness to what I've seen. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's few certainties when I consider my children's early lives and them now, the correlation between early adversity and trauma, short, medium and long term effects is frankly really complicated. There are few straight lines between cause and effect but I can talk about risk and the influences on risk.</div><div><br /></div><div>The interplay of the myriad of factors such as age when an adopted child experiences adversity, length and intensity of exposure, the nature of the adversity, the nature and relationship of the perpetrator or perpetrators, the passage into care, the proceedings and logistics therein, the mitigating factors such as the child's personality and character, the length of time in care vs number of moves in care, biology, genes, pre birth experience.........I could go on but it demonstrates the complexity. </div><div><br /></div><div>Adversity may not equal trauma. Or it may. </div><div><br /></div><div>Added to that dare I suggest the environment they then find themselves in once adopted, empathic informed parents in supportive education environments will surely skew the risks again. Un empathic parents struggling with behaviour will have another impact on risks.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>This was all provoked by a question on social media asking if all adopted children will experience mental ill health. An avalanche of responses ensued with lots of certainties expressed, people with lived experience speaking in certain terms countered by people with lived experience that was the exact opposite. Those who's second cousins best friend knew an adoptee that's fine and never even had a grumpy day, countered by someone else who knew someone else whose life was blighted. All trying to find some sort of certainty.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's was a madness of anecdote, self taught certainty, wisdom, knowledge, passion, anger and all the usual social media comment frenzy. </div><div><br /></div><div>I look at my, remarkable, children who have overcome unfathomable adversity and they cannot be reduced to a simple equation, A + B does not equal C. Adoption + Child = Mental Ill Health, it's much more complicated than that. </div><div><br /></div><div>However, there's enough stigma and mythologies around children who've come through the care system and into adoption that we can scrap the inevitability of doom narrative as a starting point. </div><div><br /></div><div>The madness of social media is that it thrives in the frenzy of absolutes and that's the crux of of this post.</div><div>After 20 years parenting in this world is my absolute belief that there are no absolutes other than all adopted children have experienced adversity. Beyond that is...............well uncertain. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghnukp5O8t0qAdmf1Y6HwDW6eqKv55eWIWpWAhE2mAVr6XMpUyNs0FFW9MtawUEqjb8dZvgkQ901wNWnHRyOGLxJR_Ko3JsyHyjOBfv2TxC2ItAIBy6N4vn9VhOKeP0kW_6OV7nWO4M-s/s1280/1+%25283%2529.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="791" data-original-width="1280" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghnukp5O8t0qAdmf1Y6HwDW6eqKv55eWIWpWAhE2mAVr6XMpUyNs0FFW9MtawUEqjb8dZvgkQ901wNWnHRyOGLxJR_Ko3JsyHyjOBfv2TxC2ItAIBy6N4vn9VhOKeP0kW_6OV7nWO4M-s/w640-h397/1+%25283%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-38933820819363109622021-07-23T19:12:00.005+01:002021-09-07T13:30:25.274+01:00A difficult conversation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1cFCpZgmbFzCjQ-PI383WVHlaw4B0LHP0SqmBZPqm6G_DDyf9pnA_a34fv5NUDCkuYIv9_S7JGHouTWTp9D8Xtqofkt07QQ_UjbUM9JI4RklwcsLSVx0YavdWx5DOh6cvJ81J2hRVba8/s1032/Screenshot+2021-07-21+at+19.26.55.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="296" data-original-width="1032" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1cFCpZgmbFzCjQ-PI383WVHlaw4B0LHP0SqmBZPqm6G_DDyf9pnA_a34fv5NUDCkuYIv9_S7JGHouTWTp9D8Xtqofkt07QQ_UjbUM9JI4RklwcsLSVx0YavdWx5DOh6cvJ81J2hRVba8/w640-h184/Screenshot+2021-07-21+at+19.26.55.png" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">I recall a friend sharing the difficult experiences they were facing with their child who's behaviour was increasingly difficult. The police and social services were involved and moments of parental self defence and defence of younger children had slid into allegations against a parent. Thats a well worn narrative with issues of perception, language and recall often being at the centre of many allegations within adoptive and SEN families. </span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">I raise this story because it highlights the impact of adverse parenting and parenting in adversity on adults. My friend shared with an investigating social worker that they had been drinking more than they normally would over the last few months as things were getting really difficult at home. They were never drunk or out of control, just drinking more than was probably healthy all in the light of an increasingly difficult home situation. The tone and direction of the investigation changed, a moment of honesty shifted the conversation to the parents issues, their inability to cope and to 'take to the drink'. Their maladaption to the difficult situation had become the difficult situation. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">How parents and carers respond to adversity in their role and </span>challenging behaviour in children can slide easily into behaviour that is too easily just seen as poor parenting when it's often a maladaption to the environment. It can manifest in a whole range of behaviours or strategies that, at best, don't help or at worst make the situation worst. </div><p>If I can be candid I can recall my own maladaptive behaviour play out, a slow, but determined and purposeful self isolation. Things were bad at home, as bad as they can get. I shut down, turned off feelings and slipped in a self preserving and palatable version of 'blocked care', the nemesis of the 'therapeutic parent'. Not good but it worked, I kept going, one step in front of another. I don't drink but I can find my own version of maladaption. I withdrew at the very moment when everyone needed me to be present I couldn't be present and continue to meet the basic and essential needs. It was bloody awful and two years on we're in a new place.</p><p>Now, I can articulate what was going on. I've read the literature and understand my own response. Time and time again a come across parents who are slipping into strategies to cope that aren't great. </p><p>I'm not writing this to shame or blame but point out what I've seen. </p><p>These strategies can be the usual parental dysregulation or often I see parent slip into maladaptive parenting, authoritarian attempts to regain control or permissive parenting a giving up to find a safe way through the challenges. It can be staying up way too late or disappearing physically or emotionally. It can be a myriad of things. </p><p>These behaviours can compound the complexity of what professionals have to consider when are invited or are have to come into the situation. They immediately see parental behaviour, maladaptive behaviour, and perhaps identify that as the root cause of the challenges in the home. The parents are the problem and the children are responding accordingly. </p><p>It's a well worn path. Listen to adoptive parent Nicola's <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-adoption-and-fostering-podcast/id1164600703?i=1000472667434">podcast</a>, after years of immeasurable stress culminating in a high stress incident inappropriate words slipped out of her mouth, a maladaptive but understandable response to stress. She was then assaulted by her child to the point of serious physical injury and hospitalisation but the investigation was focused on her words. Not seeing them as maladaption, an inappropriate but understandable release of tension, but rather a justification for a child's behaviour. </p><p>Go listen <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-adoption-and-fostering-podcast/id1164600703?i=1000472667434">here</a>, you decide. That's an extreme example but speaks of the challenge many parents face, official systems meant to support not supporting or remain unavailable, children's challenging and violent behaviour continuing over long periods of time, family and friends withdrawing. Then isolation, adversity, vicarious trauma and trauma consuming all. </p><p>Parents repeatedly ask to not be judged and to be believed, that still holds true. Professionals need empathy and compassion, they need to work with parents to reflect on their parenting amidst supporting them to parent. It's not easy but certainly not impossible, a difficult but necessary conversation. </p><p><br /></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-38501962873264528142021-06-22T20:46:00.004+01:002021-06-22T20:48:41.659+01:00#YouCanAdopt: a Reflection on Slogans <p><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">A guest post by Andrew Taylor-Dawson</span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">You can read more of his writings on his blog <a href="https://adoptivedad.co.uk" target="_blank">here<br /></a></span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">The realities of adoption can’t be boiled down to a simple marketing slogan</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Recruiting adopters is essential, but this must be balanced with more and better support for families and a serious focus on life story. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">At a time when there seems to be more stories in the mainstream press about adoption than ever, it’s worth reflecting on where we are and where we seem to be going. For me, the #YouCanAdopt recruitment drive gives a candy-coated partial view of adoption. As I’ve said before, ‘you can’ adopt, but often the question needs to be ‘should you?’ This might sound negative and grumpy, but giving a one-sided view of adoption without its complexities, nuances and challenges is neither fair to prospective adopter or to children. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Gavin Williamson’s remarks in a Department for Education (DfE) press release about overhauling the adoption system in National Adoption week last year landed badly with adopters and professionals alike. Williamson asserted that social workers were putting unnecessary barriers in the way for prospective adopters and that the only qualification for adopting was “the ability to love a child”. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The sentiment Williamson expressed is highly worrying and plays into existing misconceptions that surround adoption in the public mind. We need to get to a place where adoption is more universally viewed as the raising of children with early trauma who can’t live with their birth parents. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">What questions should we be asking? <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As I’ve written before, <a href="https://adoptivedad.co.uk/not-adoption-evangelist/" style="color: #954f72;">I’m not an adoption evangelist</a>. It is anything but a panacea, but as an adoptive parent, I of course feel that it has a very important role to play. However, this is as one option alongside special guardianship, long term foster care and yes – doing more to keep families together in the first place. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Answering questions that cut to the heart of adoption such as ‘could I help a child understand their early trauma?’ are essential to getting adopters to a place where they are at all ready. The current emphasis from central Government flies in the face modern understanding and the good practice of many adoption agencies. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Like all adopters, the experiences that my wife and I have had so far have challenged us and taken us to places that we could not have predicted. We had the benefit of going through a very forward-thinking agency and experiencing the better end of adoption practice. No matter how prepared you are, it doesn’t take away the challenges when they start to bite. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To me, other questions like ‘how would you cope with a child that is violent towards you or other children?’ and ‘how would you respond if your child is unable to access education due to their trauma?’ are essential. While preparation does only go so far, thinking about the complexities posed by early trauma, should be something everyone going into adoption should have to do as early as possible. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Life story<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The adoption topics that can never be discussed too much are life story and contact. They can also be really hard to get your head around. I say this as someone who has been navigating getting multiple contact arrangements of different kinds in place for a while. As a new adopter, it cuts to the heart of your identity as that child’s parent, and it can feel threatening and disempowering. However, the evidence couldn’t be clearer, understanding life story and having safe birth family contact where appropriate helps deliver much better outcomes. Understanding this should be central for anyone considering adoption. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">A contemporary view of adoption<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I understand the need for recruiting adopters and that they have to brought in with something appealing, however #YouCanAdopt is reductive and builds up the possibility of false expectations. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To make contemporary adoption work as well as possible for children and adopters, we have to challenge the myths and misconceptions that exist in society and be extremely clear with anyone considering this path. I believe in holding them up to high standards, but also ensuring the best support and opportunities to learn and grow as an adoptive family. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Unfortunately, despite developments in understanding and practice in recent years, the view from central Government feels out of step with what is needed. Adoption can of course bring joy and offer opportunity, but we must reflect to anyone considering it, the challenges and the issues that you will undoubtedly be grappling with on this path. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.693333625793457px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><br /><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWJSXtXJS00FUG8k7T0-T_NO6F4Tk9v1eurljrEIJJOCzmExSOCJy_CK2cc0QU1PwGx_cQSTAoIA8JFxTNHNub-7-TJEiaN2ZizPkkR5T2GP0S70d1-OWUqikd2oYPNKKzzQ4VHb4pnlo/s640/1+%25289%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="396" data-original-width="640" height="396" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWJSXtXJS00FUG8k7T0-T_NO6F4Tk9v1eurljrEIJJOCzmExSOCJy_CK2cc0QU1PwGx_cQSTAoIA8JFxTNHNub-7-TJEiaN2ZizPkkR5T2GP0S70d1-OWUqikd2oYPNKKzzQ4VHb4pnlo/w640-h396/1+%25289%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-9243413658551128752021-05-21T18:06:00.001+01:002023-04-28T16:23:41.811+01:00Stock Photos and Hills to Die On. <p>To start with I'm very happy to see the upward number of professionals, practitioners and organisations that are raising the profile of children's violence to their parents and carers. That's good but I fear my inner pedant is struggling. It's perhaps petty or pick but I just feel really uncomfortable with the use of stock photos of angry children to illustrate or advertise some training or event. </p><p>Yes, that really is the hill I'm prepared to die on. </p><p>It's been winding me up for years! I've privately messaged organisation and laid out my rationale. The pictures of 'angry' teenagers or angry 'cute' kids are just not helpful. They place the issue squarely on children's shoulders and reinforce the lazy notions that many families fight to break through with professionals, family, friends and everyone they go to for help. Everyone I've contacted has got it and amended the publicity to show a broken window or some such neutral image than indicates violence rather than pinning the issue on some lazy image of a child. </p><p>Does it matter? I'd say yes it really does. </p><p>We need to constantly focus the message on the complexity of this issue and I've never spoken to family where the child was '<i>just' </i>angry. There is always a complex interplay of experience, biology and systems that are unique and specific to that family. Of course there are themes and I'm not going to rehash that here but certainly to pin this on the chest of 'angry' kids is just not good enough. There's plenty of other images that can be used and I'm sure that I'm not the only person that feels this discomfort. </p><p>The 'angry' child picture misses the mark, children are often acting out overwhelming anxiety, distress, frustration, rage, fear and anger. Frankly the kids in these pictures aren't even close. </p><p>I don't want to point fingers or call people out, I just want us to demonstrate that we really get this, especially if you're going got be training people. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things it may be a little hill to die on but I genuinely believe that this stuff matters. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgthD9HAhQM7pa9_u-FsNXUEQxKpiG6HnjCENxslzfQ7wnqbprLo748x3V04qfMAn7HulVOnvOfVPiJSYOrhuLm0C5CvFnWGWzkeGJeD6pCCypjB9lUBxNjfwATV-YelrxBZxhtnbdP2Xc/s2048/IMG_4797.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1939" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgthD9HAhQM7pa9_u-FsNXUEQxKpiG6HnjCENxslzfQ7wnqbprLo748x3V04qfMAn7HulVOnvOfVPiJSYOrhuLm0C5CvFnWGWzkeGJeD6pCCypjB9lUBxNjfwATV-YelrxBZxhtnbdP2Xc/s320/IMG_4797.heic" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-23513866658742516342021-05-14T19:46:00.003+01:002021-05-14T19:48:09.480+01:00Adoption, recruitment, media messages and that #<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b>‘Nearly half of the 2030 children currently waiting to find adoptive families are in sibling groups. On average, children who are in a sibling group wait 135 days longer to be placed than individual children.’</b></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I've seen this written all over social media in the last few weeks in sponsored blogs and media clickbait. I get a strange feeling between righteous indignation and </span>world<span style="font-family: inherit;"> weary resignation and consequently I’ve been keeping my </span>proverbial<span style="font-family: inherit;"> social media head down. I don't want to have yet another tit for tat exchange where I try to add nuance to a determinedly un nuanced world. Or where we agree to a point of </span>fervent<span style="font-family: inherit;"> zeal with nowhere to channel that </span>insight<span style="font-family: inherit;"> or collective wisdom. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s hard to discuss the current recruitment strategies in a way that reflect what I , and many of my peers, feel truly reflects all of the conflicting and overlapping issues. It’s easy to slip into embittered grizzled old adopter, activist or to speak but not speak out in plain language to be labelled a shill (I’ve been called that and to my shame had to google it).</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am an adopter and it’s defined my adult life and I’m certainly not against adoption pre say. But, I do struggle with parts of it and would love to see effective reform. I'm not </span>naive<span style="font-family: inherit;"> or stupid and appreciate that advertising can’t deal with nuance or subtleties and the advert headlines are fishing for interest as a start point. My hope in all of this is that it is a start point and that the complex, nuanced and difficult conversations that are needed as people approach applying to adopt are happening. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Like the issue itself there's no easy resolution to this post, it just sort of hangs. Quite please I didn't use the #YouCanAdopt # once in this post. Or #ShouldYouAdopt.</p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEMYr70ajK_0ymLBYRfCY7Tkmv2PKgaS0_0rpJG32sozsmDeQjCxrcfDoYu_HhRN2PGaDoWKQ71Fbo3cBW_QF_XNFcpeSOBuy2Zv6SO2TIh2Mc84lPh-_d9flYECSzWl87kDIpRBm_j_E/s1336/Screenshot+2021-05-14+at+19.45.17.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="516" data-original-width="1336" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEMYr70ajK_0ymLBYRfCY7Tkmv2PKgaS0_0rpJG32sozsmDeQjCxrcfDoYu_HhRN2PGaDoWKQ71Fbo3cBW_QF_XNFcpeSOBuy2Zv6SO2TIh2Mc84lPh-_d9flYECSzWl87kDIpRBm_j_E/w640-h248/Screenshot+2021-05-14+at+19.45.17.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-69931127317801281372021-04-30T18:55:00.001+01:002021-04-30T18:55:04.675+01:00Awareness.........So what? Childhood Challenging Violent and Aggressive Behaviour next steps. <div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I posted on my Facebook page recently:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Children’s violent and aggressive behaviour in the home towards the adults and families that love them remains defiantly illusive to simple reductive descriptions (CPA, CPVA, APVA, CCVAB, APV). </span></b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><span style="caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>The risks for the behaviour are found at the intersection of children's life experience, biology and the systems the children inhabit and are influenced by (Family, parents, school, community). Regardless, as children they are vulnerable but this does not reduce the impact of the behaviour on adults and families and the potential to make those families vulnerable themselves.</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br />No community has a monopoly on this behaviour the factors are present in the richest and poorest families, original and adoptive/SGO/Foster homes."</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I posted in part to reflect that despite the exponential growth in </span>awareness that has occurred over the last five years there's still a way to go. I also posted to show how rather smart I am having read about it and thought about it for years*. The developed understanding of what the underlying risks are and the impacts on the families is hugely important but a question was raised in the comment section.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i> <b>'And?'</b> </i> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I initially took a little umbrage at the point but it's well made and essential. Knowing and understanding the phenomena is great but it has to be translated into action. Many people have spent a lot of time banging that drum and it is essential to keep the message on the agenda but families need help. Of course, it's encouraging to see small charities and specific interventions developing that are focused on supporting families and raising awareness. They seem to be doing a great job but they are pinpricks by comparison to the need, we have to see statutory services take this issue head on, to develop the knowledge and skills across the children and family workforce and consequently be able to offer focused and effective interventions to families. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A few days after I posted I met with social work colleagues from the British Association of Social Workers. We talked about the need for information sharing and practice development, difficult issues in the context of high caseloads, competing CPD demands and not to mention a pandemic. Plans were made and another piece of the jigsaw is put in place. We need to get this stuff right and I've spoken to many professionals from a range of services and I can be clear our language and definitions matter, our base line understanding matters and in the face of the rise in awareness we need to safeguard the focus on the welfare of children and adults. We need to develop effective and informed practice that understands the nuances of power dynamics and systemic issues within homes. We need to be frank. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All that said the challenges that families, children and adults, face must remain the driving force behind change. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv4mjVkSTFQG726Hp2yUI66whOhgkB2t-ozBxCyjceE2hzyE3MMH6a-KQMZZBJIW14dZOdzehfsBsP-ml5Mi1myZ4QZARgidRMKpFMV6yl0QOhQcxoXFwEDfc1z-y5XyTC5XwdHwkICTo/s2584/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1217" data-original-width="2584" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv4mjVkSTFQG726Hp2yUI66whOhgkB2t-ozBxCyjceE2hzyE3MMH6a-KQMZZBJIW14dZOdzehfsBsP-ml5Mi1myZ4QZARgidRMKpFMV6yl0QOhQcxoXFwEDfc1z-y5XyTC5XwdHwkICTo/w640-h302/1.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">*any fool can patch together some stuff they've read.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-72828837487718237162021-02-19T12:52:00.005+00:002021-09-06T15:24:01.836+01:00Don't Scare the Horses: Lifelong Links and Difficult Questions<p>I was listening to a conversation while on a Teams meeting between a few well informed individuals and the 'we don't want to scare the horses' phrase was used in relation to some professional's view that we need to shelter adopters from the realities of contemporary adoption. </p><p>It's a phrase that's rattled round my head for a few days and increasingly it encapsulates the crux of some of the bigger questions that contemporary adoption faces right now. It's a well worn trope but adoption is not like the movies and within the adoption community we're all too aware that the struggles of supporting children that have experienced adversity and trauma are real and enduring. It's also a well discussed notion that we need to be honest in relation to the challenges that adopters may face in relation to education, access to services and behaviour. Ask any group of experienced adopters and they'll offer full and frank ideas as to what they wish they'd known and what they'd like to tell prospective adopters. </p><p>I'm not going to re hash that discussion but to my mind a perhaps more tricky issue is what is to be expected of adopters in relation to contact and lifelong links to family. That's perhaps where the 'horses can be really scared' and it's where I'd like to see practice change. </p><p>Proactive life long links, with the bleeding obvious caveat of when safe, to biological family are not and should not be a desirable add on to a shopping list of what we'd like to see in adoptive parents. They have so frequently been framed in terms of safe and not threatening letterbox arrangement that can, and dare I say, conveniently dry up or remain as meaningless hollow gestures. Adopters can slip the arrangements with convenience when in fact they need to be proactive facilitators of their children's best interests. </p><p>New adopters understandably feel anxious opening their, and their new child's, lives to these unknown parents who are painted as the cause of many ills. Insecurity in their relationship to their new and often unknown child is threatened by links to birth family, after all blood is thicker than water right? </p><p><br /></p><p>So here's the question: Does expecting or demanding lifelong links move a child into the 'hard to place' category? Afer all we don't want to 'scare them horses'. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DYfOI1fjqI7MPHvfhwJesYpXw-Cik9zWkTaMcUmAwF4R97YwIiZLcMXhEl8XwMNXSmBtdTsprXx-u3SVOFuj6B5qKkXIuWinIInpN2-FbMv8v_vD1CXchvcLToMIcSw9W8D3r8aAYUs/s2048/1.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1357" data-original-width="2048" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DYfOI1fjqI7MPHvfhwJesYpXw-Cik9zWkTaMcUmAwF4R97YwIiZLcMXhEl8XwMNXSmBtdTsprXx-u3SVOFuj6B5qKkXIuWinIInpN2-FbMv8v_vD1CXchvcLToMIcSw9W8D3r8aAYUs/w640-h424/1.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>I believe that unless we address the issue lifelong links in contemporary adoption we will witness a slow and painful decline, with ministers and celebrity adopters pushing and coaxing adopters to a model of adoption that is withering on the vine. Lifelong links need to be front and centre, a prerequisite of adoption rather than a potential hazard to be negotiated. The evidence is clear, when done well, it works for everyone. </p><p>Perhaps we need to scare the horses and see who bolts and who stands, damn the adoption statistics. We need children with secure adopters committed to their children's lifelong links, not fragile parents with their heads in the sand. </p><p><b>Postcript:</b> It's interesting to hear the voices of adopters who have walked a few years into their new lives, they are secure in their relationships with their children, see with new clarity the needs of their children and have met the immediate needs for love, nurture, belonging etc. It's then they see the need and benefit for those lifelong links but often the trail has gone cold, water has passed under the bridge and links are impossible or difficult. Added to that a system that frequently speaks of contact but has no system or resources for facilitating anything outside of the standardised letterbox. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>My conclusion is that we need to scare the horses, let those that are going to bolt, bolt. </p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-38014361837776475042020-12-03T19:58:00.003+00:002020-12-03T19:58:18.812+00:00Adoption, Soundbites and Mount Stupid<p><span style="font-size: medium;">In a world of soundbites and pithy slogans some topics just don't fit, I think that has put me out of steps with recent adoption recruitment drives. The tension between my desire to unpick complicated issues within a changing social context and the sector's need to keep the machine running is at odds. Hey ho, what's to do?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">It's not uncommon for some poor unsuspecting soul to sidle up to me on some social media platform and PM me with a 'I know someone who's thinking of adopting, would you chat to them'. Well, there's a tricky question, of course never one miss an opportunity for an audience I say 'yes' but with a caveat that I won't be held responsible for the outcome. </span></p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBeVHgRjsxSoqcWD2GAglSTCSedgqgucqwTF4tJ_UGUKWQkwM5eyLt-US6uxSYZilJTt3Wghx8DOpmEGa8i7AbRRlZiiJ1kJuuriHC_r4qKc4JD1fbj77NS72NE5CfDOM4509inKySjE/s1110/b444d0f8412f32fecb3bcc9437a7be32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Dunning-Kruger Effect" border="0" data-original-height="816" data-original-width="1110" height="470" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBeVHgRjsxSoqcWD2GAglSTCSedgqgucqwTF4tJ_UGUKWQkwM5eyLt-US6uxSYZilJTt3Wghx8DOpmEGa8i7AbRRlZiiJ1kJuuriHC_r4qKc4JD1fbj77NS72NE5CfDOM4509inKySjE/w640-h470/b444d0f8412f32fecb3bcc9437a7be32.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dunning-Kruger Effect - See 'Mount Stupid'</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-size: large;">20 years ago, even 15 or 10 years ago my conversation with then would have been a resounding, fist pumping, cheerleading: </span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">'Go for it, you've got this!' </span></b></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">But I've read a lot of books, listened to a lot of voices and been down a few paths since then. Actually, been down a lot of paths and lived with six children who have traversed the care and adoption system in all it's widescreen technicolour glory. So, in my mind it just isn't that simple anymore and if you want me to tell you how un simple it is it may take some time. Simple one line answers do everyone a disservice at best and are harmful at worst. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">It's clear that the current government are sold on adoption from an ideological perspective and so far have invested in that. That's good, but as always the worry is that it is frequently focused on the adopter's journey to placement with limited focus outside of that journey or other participant's journeys. That doesn't sit well anymore. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I do talk to the poor soul set before me trying to make sense of my thoughts, experiences and freeform ramblings. Often they just want the simple answers and I'm not willing to give them. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Please don't think that me saying its complicated means I'm against adoption as that's not true but the answer isn't simple and in my mind no longer a binary one.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Not a hugely satisfying post I'm afraid but that's that. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Perhaps I'll air it out in a podcast. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Stay well, enjoy Christmas and may all your festive hope come true.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">PS Here's some homework, google the Dunning-Kruger effect and mount stupid. </span></div><div><br /></div></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-48259402550011220422020-10-14T00:30:00.012+01:002020-10-14T00:30:00.698+01:00Press release from the DfE in relation to Adoption<div data-block="true" data-editor="9l4uu" data-offset-key="f6rqb-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(228, 230, 235); white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="f6rqb-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-offset-key="f6rqb-0-0">Here's the press release from Gavin Williamson for </span><span class="diy96o5h" data-offset-key="f6rqb-1-0" end="82" spellcheck="false" start="61">#NationalAdoptionWeek</span><span data-offset-key="f6rqb-2-0"> . </span></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="9l4uu" data-offset-key="5oem0-0-0" style="caret-color: rgb(228, 230, 235); white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5oem0-0-0" style="direction: ltr; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="5oem0-0-0"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Being candid, it's not for those in the adoption community, it reads like a call to prospective adopters and is a continuation of what was in the Conservative manifesto. </span></span></div></div><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(228, 230, 235); white-space: pre-wrap;">What can be safely cut out of the adoption process escapes me at this point and focus remains on speeding up adoption to increase adoption. I maintain that we need to focus on the needs of children to increase adoption. </span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(228, 230, 235); white-space: pre-wrap;">The issues in relation to the ethnicity of children echos the words of Michaeal Gove almost a decade ago and doesn't reflect the complexity of race, racism and adoption that good practice and research points us to.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(228, 230, 235); white-space: pre-wrap;">Unfortunately, I don't think this release will inspire confidence from those in the community. </span> </span></p><p><b style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></b></p><p><b style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Education Secretary calls for overhaul of overly bureaucratic adoption system</span></b></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></b></p><ul style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: left;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">New figures show 2,400 children waiting for a home as Education Secretary pledges support for potential adopters<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: left;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Further £2.8 million in funding for Voluntary Adoption Agencies to boost adoption figures<o:p></o:p></span></li><li class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: left;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">DfE confirms £6.5million provided to help 61,000 adoptive families during coronavirus pandemic<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></b></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">An overly bureaucratic system that places too high a burden on parents who want to adopt is making it harder for people who want to give a child a stable home, the Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has today warned.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">In a speech to coincide with National Adoption Week, the Education Secretary said “too many lifestyle judgements” are made on potential adopters, with the consequence that there are not enough adoptive parents to go around. The shortfall is resulting in children being “bounced around the system” as they wait for a family, he added.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Figures published today show that there are currently around 2,400 children waiting for adoption but just over 1,800 approved adopters who are ready to give them a home.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">The government has previously made it clear that any families considering adoption will be supported and has today confirmed that £6.5 million was provided to local authorities and regional adoption agencies to help adoptive families facing greater stress during the Covid-19 pandemic. This is alongside the government’s Adoption Support Fund which has provided nearly 61,000 adoptive and special guardianship order families across the country with therapeutic support since its launch in 2015, backed by nearly £175 million. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">The Education Secretary also announced a further £2.8 million in funding for Voluntary Adoption Agencies. The money will allow them to continue to deliver their adoption activities during the pandemic, including recruiting adopters to be matched with children waiting. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">Education Secretary Gavin Williamson said:</span></b><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 14.2pt; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">“When it comes to adoption, what we have seen over a number of years is something I can only call narrow mindedness or even snobbery.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 14.2pt; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">“For example, some local authorities make it harder to adopt if you rent your home rather than own it, or if you’re not a perfect ethnic match. These outdated messages are putting off people who would otherwise come forward when the only qualification you need is the ability to love and care for a child.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 14.2pt; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">“I am urging local authorities to help us break down these barriers so that we can unite more children with the families they deserve so much.”</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">While safeguards must not be relaxed and checks must remain in place, the Education Secretary announced his intention to change the process that leads to lifestyle-judging that is making adoption a daunting experience for many.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">Given Black and Minority Ethnic children often wait the longest to be adopted, he also warned that we must end an “obsession with finding the perfect ethnic match for children”, stating that there is no acceptable reason why adopters should be blocked from registering simply because there are no children of the same ethnicity waiting to be adopted.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">At the same time a national campaign will launch next month to reach out to churches, mosques and other community groups starting with a pilot service in London and Birmingham, to reinforce these points and encourage more potential Black and other minority ethnic adopters to come forward.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;"><br /></span></b></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">Maggie Jones, Chief Executive of Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies, said:</span></b></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 14.2pt; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">“Voluntary Adoption Agencies (VAAs) across England are hugely grateful for the additional funding provided by Government in this difficult time. It has enabled us to continue our vital work supporting hundreds of adoptive families at a time of great stress and preparing new adoptive parents to provide forever, loving homes for many children who need them.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 14.2pt; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: black;">“VAAs provide a quarter of all adoptive placements and the choice they offer is particularly important for the Black and minority ethnic communities with whom we work. We really appreciate the confidence the Government has shown in VAAs and we will continue working with partners across the social care system to create positive futures for our most vulnerable children.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm;"><b><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Dr Krish Kandiah, Founding Director of Home for Good, said:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm; text-indent: 36pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0cm 36pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">“We have been delighted to play our part in addressing the persistent racial disparity in adoption and are so encouraged to see a continued commitment to this critically important issue from the Secretary of State today. It has been our privilege at Home for Good to assist with training hundreds of social workers across the country in faith and cultural literacy and to pilot a new project helping to find adopters of Black children waiting for adoption. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0cm 36pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0cm 36pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">“We are grateful for the funding that the Government has made available for this work. We recognise that lasting change is a marathon and not a sprint, so greatly look forward to working together to find a loving, safe and permanent family for every child who needs one.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0cm 36pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"> </span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 14.2pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">Helping deliver on a manifesto commitment, more Regional Adoption Agencies (RAAs) are going live each month, with the current number now being 25 covering 119 local authorities (79%). Data published today highlights RAAs have shown early promise in speeding up the time it takes to match children waiting for adoptive families.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif">The speech comes after the Education Secretary asked councils in January to put adoption at the top of their agendas, and to make sure that people are not being turned away because they were too old, or had a low income, or because of their faith or sexual orientation.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1X7rm3oqZ4Ijc3-a6q5F3sxfbXDnYTW1r97-vN68K2tPv6DrdHFzO-FmmJd6AMRKfJCovPRmrOKgPVDCr2ZKAFn9nnScFOBs3mqVIMhxt1ptajB-XwOtC3fFwvuHU889b-ZCAc8SGpuc/s2048/IMG_1101.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1832" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1X7rm3oqZ4Ijc3-a6q5F3sxfbXDnYTW1r97-vN68K2tPv6DrdHFzO-FmmJd6AMRKfJCovPRmrOKgPVDCr2ZKAFn9nnScFOBs3mqVIMhxt1ptajB-XwOtC3fFwvuHU889b-ZCAc8SGpuc/s320/IMG_1101.jpg" /></a></div><br /><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span><p></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /></p><p style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 15pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm;"><br /></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-64502577265770670852020-10-11T19:29:00.002+01:002020-10-11T19:29:00.511+01:00A letter to the incoming Chair of the Adoption & Special Guardian Leadership Board<p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700;">October 2020</span></p><div class="page" title="Page 1"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Dear Incoming Chair,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">As you take up your post as the Chair of the Adoption & Special Guardianship Leadership Board we would like to share our perspective with you. As being adoptive parents, we have worked within the adoption community at a regional, national and governmental level. Additionally, over the last four years we’ve spoken to many adopted adults, birth parents and families, special guardians, kinship carers and adoptive parents in producing the </span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700;">Adoption & Fostering Podcast</span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Adoption and special guardianship services are peculiar, the vast majority of people that the Board serves find themselves caught up either as children or birth family in a system that they do not want to be a part of. That is the crux of the challenge set before us all.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Children have no choice, neither do the vast majority of their parents who are fed into the system. Kinship carers find themselves asked to care for the children in their families in difficult circumstances feeling that their option to say ‘no’ is limited at best and not available else their family’s children fall into the hands of the state.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Only adoptive parents come willingly to this world and in reality their start point is predominantly meeting their own desire for children. The board is tasked with ensuring the good governance, running and development of this system and to ensure that the government’s agenda is fulfilled. You know that so forgive us for restating it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">In our view the board needs honest, balanced and fair representation of all these<br />voices. Those that have passed through the system as children; those that find themselves caught up in the system as adults and those that come willingly to it. The insights of 'experts by experience' are invaluable to an honest, responsive and appropriate service. If those voices are unavailable, unheard or fettered we run the risk of perpetuating a patriarchal system that reflects the needs and perspectives of those at the top and not those that live in the system.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Good representation can be hard, it is not easy to shepherd views and experience into easily digested soundbites and voices. National charities can be a proxy for their members but beyond their palatable voices we need the raw realties to be reflected to those that hold the keys to this system.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 12pt;">The Adoption & Fostering Podcast Available on all Podcast streaming services</span></p></div></div></div><div class="page" title="Page 2"><div class="layoutArea"><div class="column"><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Currently the Adoption & Special Guardian Leadership Board is weighed towards those that create and maintain the systems and adoptive parents, but for it to be truly reflective of the system we believe it needs to be a place where all voices can be amplified and heard. Even practitioner voices need to be represented not the 'Heads of Service' but those that sit in living rooms, social work offices and maternity wards making sense of the policies given to them.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">As adoptive parents, we know that we do have a seat at the table. We are palatable, we came to adoption willingly and our views are listened to exponentially more than the other parties that you represent and for that we’re grateful.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700;">We politely request that you extend those seats at the table to those that are adopted, have their children removed or are caring for their families children in kinship and SGO arrangements.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">We wish you all the very best in your term as Chair and look forward to working with you during this time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Al Coates MBE </span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;">Scott Casson-Rennie</span></p><p><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCX_cwN84cYdhakaJ7O5eGPrWqZNr05j-b7jTEM0833dlCC9Fif3HYCrB12l0F9YLtyKBKmn4pr59uNhhA3SFh6jYoLU2eyrDYBFdDbcPn-a9KjXzol-K7GcOo2CW0MOAMMbcTu3K6QGM/s1637/The+adoption+%2526+fostering+podcast-page-002.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1637" data-original-width="1632" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCX_cwN84cYdhakaJ7O5eGPrWqZNr05j-b7jTEM0833dlCC9Fif3HYCrB12l0F9YLtyKBKmn4pr59uNhhA3SFh6jYoLU2eyrDYBFdDbcPn-a9KjXzol-K7GcOo2CW0MOAMMbcTu3K6QGM/s320/The+adoption+%2526+fostering+podcast-page-002.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span><p></p></div></div></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-1811031953900575722020-10-03T07:01:00.003+01:002020-10-03T07:18:29.700+01:00 'Challenging Childhood Violent and Aggressive Behaviour' Professional Social Work Article Sept' 20 <p>Below is the an article I wrote for Professional Social Work magazine to raise awareness of the challenges faced by many families.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0cm;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can vividly recall standing in front of a room of several hundred social workers as they all acknowledged that they had or were supporting families where children’s violent and aggressive behaviour was present. That was unsurprising as it was the topic of the lecture, what was suprising was that when asked how many had been given specific training in relation to supporting children and families with that behaviour fewer than five hands went up in the auditorium. That was three years ago, and like Tess, I’m a social worker and had found myself struggling to manage aggressive and violent behaviour in my children from a young age. Ineffectual but mainly unavailable support had set me on a journey to look closer at the issue in a hope to find the support that my family needed. A chance encounter with academic Dr Wendy Thorley lead to us undertaking research and ultimately the work I do raising awareness and training parents, carers and professionals. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The prevalence of violent and aggressive behaviour in children towards their caregivers and members of their households remains an issue shrouded behind a vale of uncertain professional responses and parental/carer isolation, shame and silence. With reports of prevalence being from up to 65% of children who have been adopted displaying the behaviour at some point in their childhood to 5% within the general population being a quoted figure. Within other communities, children with ASD for example, the prevalence is again higher and consequently a true figure is illusive and compounded by the silence and secrecy that frequently covers the issue. Few organisations record incidents or concerns systematically though <a href="https://53379d5a-503f-4b33-bb43-be08e7951440.filesusr.com/ugd/e7960b_4eb56b77740f4b149ab4cc8caaf594df.pdf" style="color: #954f72;">Northumbria Police’s 2020 Report</a> recorded 515 incidents of violence and aggression over a 10 month period for children as young as 11 years old. Home office advise on <a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/732573/APVA.pdf" style="color: #954f72;">Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse</a> is available however research in the <a href="https://www.academia.edu/37078253/Lets_Talk_About_Child_to_Parent_Violence_2018_Summary" style="color: #954f72;">2018 Child to Parent Violence and Aggression Survey</a> indicated that frequently families were struggling long before in silence until they could no longer absorb or manage behaviour coinciding with the children moving into adolescence. We do know that this behaviour is often contained within families until children grow bigger and the risks and impact of behaviour becomes higher. Frequently a ‘angry and frustrated teenager’ narrative hijacks the issue, however looking closer there are more complex narratives outside of usual challenges or developmental norms. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The limited research points to the interplay of early and ongoing adversity in children’s lives, complex biology with all of this set within family and education systems that frequently struggle to meet children’s needs or even see that the issue is more than a simple behaviour issue. As a society we place the job of managing children’s behaviour firmly on parents and caregivers. That’s the paradigm that we operate out of as professionals and when we’re faced with aggressive behaviour that tips into violence our reflex is to look at the parents and caregivers and consider what they are or aren’t doing to precipitate or allow this behaviour. To an extent that is a reasonable response and certainly there is strong evidence to suggest that overly authoritarian parenting or permissive parenting can underly challenging, violent and aggressive behaviour in children. We know that early adversity/trauma and biological difference can mean children’s capacity to operate in within the normal parent/child paradigm can be floored. Responses to trauma, loss, sensory issues and altered perception can all be interpreted as challenging behaviour, it can look very personal and feel very personal. Parent’s responses may be appropriate in normal circumstances but these may not be normal. Parental control is undermined and parents can feel impotent and regress to authoritarian or permissive parenting in an attempt to exert further control or to avoid conflict. As professionals we often walk into complex systems and when we see children not coping or behaving our cultural and societal programming is to look to the parent carer as the cause or the adult setting the tone. However, they may be struggling to respond outside of their siege parenting and easily be identified as the ‘cause’ of the behaviour. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The findings of the <a href="https://www.academia.edu/37078253/Lets_Talk_About_Child_to_Parent_Violence_2018_Summary" style="color: #954f72;">2018 survey</a> raised key areas to take note of, parents and carers were living with children who displayed complex, challenging behaviour not only directed at parents or carers but also other siblings. When asked what services they sought help from it was disheartening to see that many families were initially reluctant to seek help. Unpicking this the stigma of not being able to ‘control’ your children created a dynamic where families felt isolated however this was compounded by fear of what would happen to the children if services were to become involved. Families had frequently sought help from multiple sources, GP, Education, CAMHS, Social care and Police and asking them how they viewed the support they received surprisingly the police were overwhelmingly seen as the most supportive service. It doesn’t take a leap of empathy to understand the levels of desperation that families were in to call the police not knowing if that could lead to criminalisation and separation. Parents and carers continue to love their children despite the behaviour and, as noted, frequently absorb the behaviour to protect their children. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0wkdaJh-d64t2KxQZaOivCuXXl9eecD95qvzwLafleh9apSAKItuHhaPxE1gvMRth2slsV1p1HK2SCVd7IlDuCHun2Wlb18h5b-AnyhJnK_bs9Ys1ENd4jTyMXK-_32_pomj5skNU9I/s2048/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1265" data-original-width="2048" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0wkdaJh-d64t2KxQZaOivCuXXl9eecD95qvzwLafleh9apSAKItuHhaPxE1gvMRth2slsV1p1HK2SCVd7IlDuCHun2Wlb18h5b-AnyhJnK_bs9Ys1ENd4jTyMXK-_32_pomj5skNU9I/w640-h397/1.png" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There is hope, though only a few years since asking that group of social workers if they’d received training awareness of the issue and a developing knowledge of the underlying causes has grown. Services like <a href="https://familybasedsolutions.org.uk/" style="color: #954f72;">Family Based Solutions</a> in North London find themselves in huge demand. They work directly as partners with children and parents from a solution focused approach to support changes in behaviour and family systems. <a href="https://53379d5a-503f-4b33-bb43-be08e7951440.filesusr.com/ugd/e7960b_4eb56b77740f4b149ab4cc8caaf594df.pdf" style="color: #954f72;">Non Violent Resistance</a> relatively unknown of five years ago has been taken up by many adoption services and has been seen to help many families. An alternative to historic parenting classes, it is a systemic therapy focused specifically on violent, controlling and aggressive behaviour. It acknowledges that though the blame for children’s behaviour may not lay at the parent’s door the keys to managing that behaviour frequently do and need to and offers principles and intensive support for parents and carers. Though specialist services are growing demand outstrips capacity but foundations of the above, listening, partnership and compassion remain available to all practitioners. Families described feeling ‘not listened to’ and frequently patronised or being sent on generic parenting courses or run the risk of being seen as not engaging with services. Parent and cares are not naïve to the limits on resources or the complexity of the issues but are again and again clear where all practitioners can start ‘Believe us’ and ‘Don’t blame us’.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-66517949468782843482020-08-17T11:44:00.004+01:002020-08-17T11:44:16.813+01:00ASGLB New Chair - Stakeholder Participation<iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FAandFpodcast%2Fvideos%2F527620164652394%2F&show_text=1&width=560" width="560" height="411" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media" allowFullScreen="true"></iframe>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-88586195024262723952020-08-07T10:34:00.005+01:002020-08-07T10:34:57.936+01:00 DfE, Adopter Reference Group, schools and issues of race.<p> </p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FMoaAdoptiveDad%2Fvideos%2F1353727161490718%2F&show_text=1&width=560" width="560" height="411" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media" allowFullScreen="true"></iframe>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-64351376893430550992020-08-02T13:01:00.004+01:002020-08-02T13:01:31.639+01:00New chair for the adoption and special guardianship leadership board? What issues should be front and centre on their agenda?<div><br /></div><div><br /><iframe allow="encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="true" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="436" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FMoaAdoptiveDad%2Fvideos%2F297937848213919%2F&show_text=1&width=560" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" width="560"></iframe></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-77215384637782805842020-08-02T12:59:00.003+01:002020-08-13T15:27:09.965+01:00A Webcast with Prof Beth Neil discussion on post adoption contact <br /><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FAandFpodcast%2Fvideos%2F2546242168812446%2F&show_text=1&width=560" width="560" height="455" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media" allowFullScreen="true"></iframe>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-77035310565885796252020-06-12T10:58:00.000+01:002020-06-12T10:58:09.157+01:00Dog Walk Thoughts A few thoughts on RAAs and the postcode lottery that still seems to exist.<div><iframe allow="encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="true" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="407" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FMoaAdoptiveDad%2Fvideos%2F697388841039803%2F&show_text=1&width=560" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" width="560"></iframe></div>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-73469052882814962572020-04-29T17:49:00.002+01:002020-06-04T22:19:46.115+01:00Northumbria Police's press release for the CCVAB report. Here's Northumbria Police's press release for the CCVAB report, worth a read even if it is to look at the comments. They reflect a range of views that so many families come up against again and again. It refreshes the vigour in which we need to raise awareness.<br /><br /><i>Note to self: Never read the comments.</i><br /><br />We want this to influence other forces as well as give the Home Office food for thought, please share wide and far.<br /><br /><iframe allow="encrypted-media" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="575" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fnorthumbriapolice%2Fposts%2F10157334268101309&width=500" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" width="500"></iframe>Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-51487286980496662672020-04-24T13:50:00.002+01:002023-04-28T21:32:50.853+01:00Policing Childhood Challenging Violent or Aggressive Behaviour: Responding to Vulnerable Families<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0mm 0mm 0.0001pt; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">So, here it is the </span><b>Policing Childhood Challenging Violent or Aggressive Behaviour: <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Responding to Vulnerable Families<span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></b>report<span style="color: black;">. You can read the <b>Executive Summary</b> <b><u><a href="https://www.academia.edu/42865872/Northumbria_Police_APVA_Executive_Summary_compressed">here</a></u></b> with the full report being available on the 27<sup style="font-weight: normal;">th</sup> April.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s taken some time and right from the off I need to thank Dr Wendy Thorley for <i>all</i> the work that she has done, not only in liaising, organising, chivvying along different folks (mainly me) but in also crunching the data and writing the report up. The report draws on Northumbria Police’s 500+ call outs from parents and carers over a 9 month period in crisis due to the violent and aggressive behaviour of the children in their homes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The report builds on what is a steadily growing body of research that considers the underlying issues that impact on children who display extreme aggressive and violent behaviour. For us that culminated in the </span><a href="http://www.alcoates.co.uk/2018/07/2018-child-on-parent-violence-and.html" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">2018 Child on Parent Violence and Aggression Survey</a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> but in this report we worked in partnership with the police to </span><span style="font-size: small;">consider</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> the current </span>interventions<span style="font-family: inherit;"> they undertake and how to improve them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">During this process I’ve been given access to records and though I thought I’d become hardened to the challenges that children and families face I confess to being rendered speechless reading some of the incident reports. Stories of incredibly vulnerable children, </span><span style="font-size: small;">their</span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> mental ill health, SEND, adversity, trauma, substance misuse and more all playing out in homes across the region. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'll not pre empt your reading of the findings, however that the report was written offers me hope for the future of this issue. We </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">measure what matters</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and this is an issue that matters for many families, for every police call out there are multiple incidents that don't reach the extreme of a 999 call hidden in a veil of silence. </span>There<span style="font-family: inherit;"> are many untold stories of families struggling under fear of social care intervention, fear of violence, isolation, shame and mental ill health. This report is not the end of the issue but it is </span>another<span style="font-family: inherit;"> light shining into a dark room of many families lives. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You can read the </span>summary<span style="font-family: inherit;"> to the report </span><a href="https://www.celandt.org/resources"><b style="font-family: inherit;"><u>here</u></b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></a></span></div>
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